Psychic Head

All hail the righteous do-gooding tv minds guiding us by our sheepy hands so we as an ignorant mass may know better and C'mon people smile on your bro

2007-04-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

This world is stupid.

And Imus was dropped from his network. Yet, there's money to be made in the racism marketing scam. Pay up!

Free Imus

2007-04-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from the park this evening and I wondered if any of the celebrities blowing Gore right now remember his PRMC (PMRC?) movement back in the eighties? If anyone confronted Gore and his brain-dead Hollywood clones on this, would he feel the need to address that...Inconvenient Truth? (sorry...I couldn't resist!)

Art Imitating...Art?

2007-04-04T02:25:00.000-07:00

It is funny when a cartoon band is better than most 'real' (I use that term loosely) bands out there now. I wish Dethklok would have an episode where they 'accidentally' murdered all of the emo bands. Brutal...

Spanking the kids...

2007-04-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

My 12 y/o (13 on May 3rd) is giving attitude like a punk! He's getting constant In-School- Suspension (lately), has to be escorted to class because he's always tardy, and at home he's smarting off to 8.5 month-pregnant wife and muttering bad words in Spanish under his breath thinking we (parents) are too ignorant to know what he's saying (we live in Houston...most of our advertisements are in Spanish). So I explained to him, after much verbal admonitions to straighten up, I don't want to spank him because he's on the cusp of young manhood and so on, but after taking away his cool clothes (he's into this emo garbage) and shaving his head, he still persists. Therefore, I said hey, this is what's up: My job as a parent is to teach you right from wrong, to be a good member of society, etc. and I've done that. I can't tolerate your behaviour and I don't know what else to do, so here we are now. And then I gave him a couple of good swats on the booty with my belt. Here's my dilemna:

Why do I always feel guilty or bad afterwards? I didn't feel anger as I swatted him, just a grim this-is-what-I-have-to-do feeling. This is literally the 3rd time I've used the belt on him in his lifetime, so it's not abuse.

My 9 y/o (10 on April 17) rarely gets a tap. I don't recall ever choosing to use the belt on him; I just swat him with my hand (my Red Right Hand--Nick Cave and the B.S.). He's funny: when he knows he's getting it, he just resigns himself to it and gets it over with and then tries (falsely) to put on a face of hurt, which he can't fake very well so I usually turn my head and laugh because it's kind of cute; in contrast, my 12 y/o fights and cries big tears and begs for it not to be so...

My 5 y/o is the biggest sweetie in the world and has never, currently does not, nor ever will require a spanking.

So I wonder if this is how God felt when he melted Sodom and Gomorrah or drowned everybody in the flood? He loved his children, but they pushed the limits too far. Something had to be done but only one thing was left to do after repeated warnings and direction...

Hey, I just thought of something: is this an example of applying the Scriptures to one's life?

Another thing with the 12 y/o: seeing my hx of cycling through moods, I sometimes wonder (fear is a better word) if I passed on the madness...? Or, is he experiencing hormonal shifts with puberty and its oncoming onslaught? Or is it societally driven related to 7th grade?

...If the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee...

2007-04-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

Allahu Akbar.

Snuclear War

2007-03-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a countdown to the annihilation of Iran. Stupid, stupid country. There are pictures of the Iranian populace shouting anti-Bush/U.S.A. rants and so on...So, are these people coerced by their 'leaders'-aka the mullahs or government, or are these feelings sincere? Either way, they should be nuked (snuked, if you watch Southpark). Here's why:

First of all, if their feelings are sincere, then they present a threat to our civilization, which means a threat ultimately to my family and freedom.. There is no question which I choose there.

Secondly, if they are being coerced or threatened, say for instance the mullahs or coercing force is threatening their families in order for them to publicly rant, then they are cowards. They need to be killed for their cowardice. If the population is really wanting to overthrow the current regime, like our news purports them to, then why don't they? We did it 250-plus years ago against a similar, if not larger, threat. Read the last line of the Declaration of Independence to see what the authors sacrificed in signing that Document.

And is anyone taking global warming seriously? How can they with Al Gore and his mansion (man of the people my ass-Gore's a hypocrite communist-wake up!) and John Travolta at the helm? Does anyone else see through their facade? ???

It all makes sense, now...

2007-03-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

Some of my co-workers bring magazines like US, People, etc. and I find myself in rare moments of down-time reading them. Apparently Angelina Jolie is adopting another child. I didn't read the article, but a thought occurred to me...what better victims than international orphans who won't be noticed when they disappear? You see...

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are cannibals with an insatiable appetite for children...

Mark my words...

Fear Not, for I've Overcome the World

2007-03-26T00:27:00.000-07:00

And I knew the silence of the world...

The title is scripture, and the latter is a song...

I see the latest 'crisis' regarding Iran in two ways: Iran is trying to elevate things, or Iran is using this as a guage to see how far the world will react in regards to Iran's aggression; sort of like last year's kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers by terrorists...So, either way, where does this lead?

I've been working nights since New Years and my sleep habits are skewed. Once I was awake last week for around 36 hours straight; during the night portion of that I read all of 1st Nephi. I love the scriptures. When I start relying on my own wisdom, or see the world through my own 'lenses', then I get depressed. The good thing about scriptures is that the remind you of who and where you are, if you have the faith to believe in them and the subsequent testimony.

April's Ensign is especially good. I like Elder Haight's article and the First Presidency's Message. Elder Haight talks about an episode when he is extremely ill and unconscious for days and during that period he has a vision of the Saviour and His mission. I find it peculiar the Lord working that way. Maybe it took a coma to get through to Elder Haight (hahaha...).

Secularly, I'm bored with all of my music. I'm actually anti-all-of-my-music right now; nothing's appealing to me and most of the bands I listen to are following the anti-Bush trend. How shallow. How utterly stupid. Rock against Bush...Does it get through to more than druggies, hormonal teenagers, and college students? I started a book which seems ok for the time being; it's called When Madeliene Was Young or something like that. I just started so time will tell.

On the baby front, I think I'm in for some trouble. I had a dream where I felt a need to show-off for my daughter and be impossibly perfect for her, like I have to be this knight following some strict moral code (like a Priesthood Peter, maybe....?). Heather was sleeping and I was laying next to her feeling her swollen watermelon belly and femme fetus was squirming all over the place! She's going to be wild!

I graduate in one month. Not that the regimen was difficult, but the due dates for easy assignments and keeping up with the schedule will not be missed. I will pick up more shifts and worry about nothing except time for the kids. Life will hopefully be easy. Except for Iran...

My Bloody Valentine is really Heavy

2007-03-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who's in the Army. He's an alright guy...I haven't really talked to him in ages but his mom and stepdad live in our little multicultural white enclave of Kingwood...He's now in Iraq fighting for...?...and his wife is the type of person who forwards all of these emails which don't really mean anything but political smears...they're a type of chain letters which are meant to rile people up about whatever side of the pole their political leanings are. She never emails about personal stuff, which I'd rather hear about; she only emails chain letters. She emailed this one about my lusty blonde bombshell Hillary Clinton defending the Black Panthers in a murder trial which Paul Harvey was reporting on. So, I Snopes.com 'd it (on the menu on snopes, type in Hillary Clinton Paul Harvey Black Panters...too lazy to link it) and replied it back to her. Her stepdad emailed me and said that if Hillary Clinton get's in office the country is going to end..blah blah blah...along those lines, and he said no reply from me was desired or necessary. I never stated my personal feelings about H. Clinton one way or another. I don't think it's right to smear someone just because you don't agree/like them. I think if you have an opinion, back it up with reason. Don't just hate for no reason. Damn ignut-ass haters...

Which leads me to this thought...it doesn't matter who's in office. I think a country's decline is more marked by media we pay attention to, the acceptance of immorality, and such. Not by a presidential candidate. The candidate is just a guage...Look at Americans: Nancy Grace is still rattling on about A. N. Smith. So what? Someone is paying attention to her if she is still getting air-time. Al Gore is still gaining ground on 'global-warming' in spite of snowed-out rallies and marches on the subject. The border patrol is literally handcuffed from doing their jobs because of 'civil-rights infringements' on illegals. Religious authorities are being caught in child-molesting and homosexual activities while high on meth. So, what defines a country's decline?

And man, will someone put a bullet in Nancy Grace?

I Love Politicians

2007-03-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

Gearing up for another line of liars and hypocrites in 2008. It's kind of like Christmas with all of the marketing buildup.

So, if anybody votes for Hillary Clinton, you suck.

Josh Groban is real.

2007-03-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

Saturday, 3/10/07, the Polyphonic Spree is headlining the North x Southeast festival in Dallas, and yes, the Psychic Head family is going. All of us. This will be the 3rd time for wife and I, and 2nd for Chloe fetus. It's a surprise for the 12, 9, and 5 year old. Our 12 year old is trying to be a moody emo thing for his girlfriend, so I don't think the Spree fits into his current worldview. He has a myspace page (closely monitored by me and wife) where it has all the emo bands and dark hot-topic type background. So I went, unbeknownst to him, and changed his myspace song to Billy Ray Cyrus' song I Want My Mullet Back (leave it to a hick to come up with that song title) and a Kenney Chesney background. I put his fave tv shows as Dukes of Hazzard and anything Nascar. I also wrote how he thinks all of today's goths and emos are nothing but factory-made from the mall, much to the chagrin of his seventh-grader friends.

I love being a dad!

Oh yeah, I was watching 24 one Tuesday a.m. and a commercial came on showing this guy coming to Houston and playing at the Toyota Center or something, and he looked exactly like Napolean Dynamite! I thought to myself, Who is this? The guy sounded like a really, extremely bad version of Barry Manilow. So, who looks like N. Dynamite and sounds like a bad Barry Manilow (initials B.M....hahaha...)? It was Josh Groban! I remember hearing about him on the radio about how all of these girls like him. Tell me it's not true...Is he an American Idol contestant?

Women find me well Jung

2007-02-27T00:48:00.000-08:00

"Love thy neighbors" is wonderful, since we then have nothing to do about ourselves; but when it is a question of "love thy neighbour as thyself" we are no longer so sure, for we think it would be egoism to love ourselves. There was no need to preach "love thyself"to people in olden times, because they did so as a matter of course. But how is it nowadays? It would do us good to take this thing somewhat to heart, esp. the phrase "as thyself". How can I love my neighbour if I do not love myself? How can we be altruistic if we do not treat ourselves decently? But if we treat ourselves decently, if we love ourselves, we make discoveries, and then we see what we are and what we should love. There is nothing for it but to put our foot into the serpent's mouth. He who cannot love can never transform the serpent, and then nothing is changed. -Jung

I see a pattern in my tastes in music, food, people, movies, and books. I think Jung's philosophy/psychology explains the reason I like Shamyalan and Star Wars. So was Anakin the complete man? Maybe that's why I'm attracted to Jung's works. The above quote has been stated by me many times in my search for self-truth; I've always said (tongue-in-cheek) "I do love my neighbor as myself because I hate myself"...which is not necessarily the truth. In my years of 'becoming', I've paid attention, maybe too much, to my dark side, and not digesting it properly, esp. in context with what I perceived to be my religion. I've been coming to grips with it lately, but the past 5-7 years have been a time of trial (and error) for me. But, what a learning experience! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I entered this period of my development in this mortal phase one way and am emerging something different. I think the Lord may be pleased with my direction. I certainly hope so...

I don't think the mortal experience is meant to be passed through without falls and scrapes. I grew up believing Mormonism, or my religion at the time, meant walking life through without making 'mistakes'. How I got that idea, I don't know. I think it was a combination of home life, LDS socialization (the big brainwash), and my own personality I brought to mortality. Nevertheless, it is difficult to apply, but I think Jung was on to something. Does acknowledging the dark side of ourselves mean embracing the dark side? I don't think so. I think acknowledging is the beginning of making peace with it. Lehi beat Jung to the punch when he stated there is opposition in all things...

Cookie-Sheet Mary, Save Me...

2007-02-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

Ha! In Houston's East Side, a school's cookie sheet was found by a dishwasher (?) to have the picture of the Mother Mary. In interviews, people who dedicated a shrine to the metallic Mother of God says it's a sign of hope for our time. Maybe, depending on the type of cookies being baked on said sheet. Please, I don't want to reveal how I feel about this. Make your own opinion...

So, I wonder how much the cookie sheet is going to bring in on E-Bay? Didn't the grilled cheese in Florida sell for $28K?

Communication of Validation

2007-02-22T02:31:00.000-08:00

I shaved my head again. To the skin. It feels liberating. Isn't that weird? I went to eat lunch with my 3rd grader and all the kids ask, "Why are you bald?" (children are refreshing, by the way). So, I tell them stories like, "I was sitting in my hot tub when all of a sudden I saw this giant asteroid way up in the sky and it was heading towards me. I was both fascinated and scared I could not move, but you know asteroids burn up in the atmosphere, and right before it hit me, it burned out and all I felt was this massive gust of super-hot gases which consequently burned all of my hair off." Some look like they're trying to comprehend what I'm saying, some say "Wow" or "Nuh-uh" and the thinkers say, "Then why do you still have eyebrows?"...

As I was laying in bed waking up, I was thinking of these girls I have constant interaction with, one married, one not. On the outside, they talk of all these guys they would like to have, or had, or so on, and I was thinking of communication and how it pertains to this situation. Growing up LSD...ahem, LDS, the youth are taught, at least in my experience, to stay away from the loose of morals, they are no good, and you'll only get burned by hanging with them.
I look at people and automatically, without trying, see what they're saying. Not verbally, with words, but how they present themselves. It is not judgmental in nature, it is just a reflex of my mind. I was thinking of these two girls (30s in age) and I was wondering if they knew what they were saying to everyone...? Again, not words. They are good people with flaws just like me and you, but they are...so...loud...
The message I got from them was validation of self and where it comes from. And basically, this is a lesson, which in retrospect, I've been learning my whole life. Coming from the basis of everyone needing validation, where do we seek it? Are we strong enough to recognize it coming from the Lord? Are we secure enough in our relationship with ourselves to accept validation from ourselves? Do we seek outside validation from anyone, like these girls I am talking about? I kind of apply it to blogging. I know blogs only allow a glimpse into someone's life and perception, but some of them are so blaring in their communication, and their needs for validation. I've run across blogs where all they blog about is "Please, please blog me. I need numbers." In applying that to my thoughts on validation, how is the message different than what these two girls are conveying in their pursuits? Outside validation, by numbers? Could their be such a thing as a...blog whore?

Just Say No...

2007-02-19T01:21:00.000-08:00

I have decided after a few years of pondering I will not be taking any depression meds. However, that may change any moment since I think I might have ADD...now what were we talking about?

I have two new goals: to pray more, and to stop swearing. Praying needs no expounding. However, back to swearing. I think I will learn more self-control if I am able to stop swearing. Swearing feels so good at the right moment, though! I'm not doing this to be a good "Mormon" (Heaven forbid!) but to draw closer to my Father. Maybe it's not the swearing that drives the Spirit away but the evident lack or choice of self-control...? I will express my anger in more constructive forms, such as in my fists...

Back to meds...I've been having a lot of Spiritual experiences lately and it is not without costs...In reviewing my life I feel Father has been trying to teach me something. I entered something of which I have no terms for about 7 years ago, and I will never be the same again. It is not something good nor bad; it can't be defined by those parameters, but there is a loss of innocence which I've experienced. Again, not in terms of good or bad. I think very strongly I've been Kubler-Ross'ing subconciously for the past few years. Anyways, I say 7 years because that is about how long I can remember clearly. I'm getting feeble...Therefore, I think the experiences I have in my mood fluctuations are part of the package, so to speak. Why would I want to take away from that? I haven't experienced medicated-induced non-depression, but I fear I might miss on what the Lord, or Father, is trying to teach me. Does this make sense?

I might be taking Taiko lessons after May. It all depends. Heather and I saw the Kodo drummers Saturday and again it set me off thinking about culture. What is American culture? I know why I am so driven in defending the Constitution, but what choices have we, as Americans, made with our precious freedom? I saw Heroes about 3 years or so ago. Again, my memory is feeble. Actually, I've heard of the Kodo drummers before Heroes but I heard them for the first time in the movie. The drumming is so powerful...Anyways (ADD attack) I was impressed with the costumes and traditions portrayed in Heroes and it got me thinking of culture and Americans'...lack of...in my opinion. Am I fair in saying that? Am I missing something in our society that states, "This is American culture"? Heroes is a 'historical fiction' movie. I'm sure there is embellishment by the producer and director, but then also, there are supernatural elements in the movie! Rent it today! Some people don't get it, but I truly count it as one of those movies that impacted me. But then again, so did Star Wars...

So, what is American culture? Certainly not Anna Nicole Smith, Brittany Spears, Tool, L.A., New York, People magazine, country music...or is it? Oh, I know it is the end times because the headlines of Drudge Report was all about the state of B. Spears' hair...

Drums. Ludwig, not Gretsch.

2007-02-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

I bastardized and raped my old kit to add to this one, but yes! The kit sounds so darned good. It's like chocolate in the springtime...

What happened?

2007-02-16T06:43:00.001-08:00

Heartbeat/Children Of The Drum

2007-02-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

Kodo.

Heather and I missed Valentine's Day because I was at school, so we're planning to go out Saturday. I was looking at the newspaper and there it was, Kodo is playing Saturday at the Jones Hall in Houston. YES!!! So, that's our date night.

Heather asked, "What do I wear, you don't think I can wear jeans, do you?" I replied, "We wore jeans when we saw Flaming Lips and Beck at the Jones Hall..."

I have wanted to see the Kodo drummers for forever. I have the Heroes soundtrack and they play on that. I looked into buying some traditional Kodo drums to accentuate my kit, which would be extremely cool, but when I looked to buy them, I didn't realize a single Kodo-style drum (authentic) around 14-16" in diameter costs around...$10,000 and more. Needless to say I was mildly disappointed and did not make that purchase. Heather would have killed me...

Breaking News...

2007-02-15T01:08:00.000-08:00

Ugh. Just like I predicted a while ago...I work nights, so when I'm not working I'm up during the night. So, I turned on the TV, which I haven't watched in a while, and there she was. Nancy disGrace railing on about Anna Nicole Smith. CNN, Anna Nicole Smith. Greta Van Susternen (FOX), Anna Nicole Smith.

"This just in, 145 people killed in Iraq by religious fanatics, Africa is still drowning in blood, and now, back to Anna Nicole Smith."

I don't know about where you live, but in Houston we have PWT crack whores dying all of the time. What's the deal with this one? I wonder if that poor hungry child in Baghdad whose parents were killed and chalked up to "collateral damage" by the U.S. liberators is watching TV somehow and wondering if Anna Nicole Smith is the summation of American society, and if he does get that impression, is he really, truly wrong?

I also LOVE the fact at least two national meetings on Global Warming were postponed or cancelled due to ice storms and blizzards. God and I must share the same sense of humor.

I'm ashamed they're from Texas, also...

2007-02-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

So they admit they won because of current political climes and not because of talent...? Stupid, stupid world...and it's not because of the political side they come from. I am a universal hater. But, come on, I knew Idiots Rule when the Flaming Lips started protest songs. Ugh. Killjoy...But the Ditsy Hicks are talentless crap. At least the F. Lips have their own sound. Natalie Maines is a fame-whore.

I know the pieces fit

2007-02-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not sick all of the time, just so you know. I treat blog like a journal, but my mind continually races, and therefore blogging only captures a small portion of what I'm feeling. When I'm feeling fine sometimes I don't write anything. But when I do feel off it is very intense. So much for that...

I was talking to a friend (flesh and blood) about the experiences I have/had with self-righteous Mormons/humans...and to tell you the truth, and I'm not being facetious, conceited, or anything of the like, I came to the conclusion that I may be more intelligent than most people, and therefore the burden rests with me to bear the 'weaknesses' of others in that field. Now, that being said, I am not saying I am better than most, I'm just more intelligent. I see people for what they are.

So, we are here to have our rough spots smoothed. Who am I to take away that experience from someone just because they are inconveinencing my personal comfort level? Who am I not to experience it myself? Just thinking...

Hey. I was just thinking, Iran is pursuing our destruction, Putin is badmouthing the United States, Maslow's Heirarchy doesn't even apply to Mogadishu, and Sean Hannity is obsessing over Anna Nichole Smith...I wonder what the profit margin is for the tabloids...?

Help!

2007-02-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

Just to clear the air...I'm not gay!!!

2007-02-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

Nah, I just wanted to throw whoever reads this for a loop. Where did that come from? Hahahaha...mental sedition...

It's 0145 and I can't sleep, but I'm not lamenting...Sometimes I lay in bed trying to sleep and that's when I get sick...my mind starts churning, all of these deadlines loom and make my stomach hurt, even if they're weeks or months away, my flaws sink their fangs in me and bleed me dry, everything seems loud, every little light is like the sun...

I've been thinking of buying a few acres (5-10) sometime soon. Maybe in 5 years after I get some equity in this house. I fear living in the suburbs is softening my sons. I told a friend from my ward I hate Mormon culture but I don't know if she got it.

With my tax return I'm paying off a credit card and buying a drum set! This friend of mine is selling one for $1K. A Gretsch catalina maple kit with 2 toms, a floor tom, bass, snare, hi-hat, crash and ride, a double kick pedal, a 3-piece roto-tom, a nice throne...I'm going to post pictures of it when I get it along with pictures of my original pawn shop drum set which sounds like...hurricane fighter planes...I figure Just to get started with my electronic music it would cost me $5-6K just to get started. I don't have that money, so that's going to be on hold.

Something's looming large; I feel like shaving my head again. I've been listening to Tool a lot lately..."But Louis, maybe it's the music you listen to." My parents always blamed extraneous material for my, uh, mental forays into madness. Musically, Tool sounds the same, I mean their songs. But, their good songs are really good, and it's one of the few bands where I like them lyrically (not all of their songs). I feel Maynard's love, man...D. Carey is also a really good drummer.

I actually feel bad for A.N.Smith. What an extremely unhappy person. She used to be a waitress at the Red Lobster five miles from my house before she was discovered. I wonder if this puts more fodder for Nancy disGrace to consume upon her lusts...I can't stand her. Sensationalist tabloid black void of a person...Nancy Grace I mean...Heather and I make jokes about how our dachsund is going to eat the toes of our new baby and we'll be on Nancy Grace put through the wringer. Ha! "But yor baby has no toes..." "Everybody's concerned about the dog but I don't hear anything about the baby having it's toes eaten off." That was from the episode of where the baby pit bull was supposedly guilty of gnawing the baby's toes of this one couple, but it turned out it was probably the ferret.

I just finished reading General Tommy Franks' autobiography. Good man...gives a lot more light about Iraq through declassified material the general public doesn't know about and the spin machines don't talk about. That's one of the few things I 'know' without a doubt: the U.S. Constitution is foolproof. People just jack it up like everything else, whether it be religion or any other social movement.

Heather is getting HUGE!!! It's like she ate a watermelon. The baby is very active, kicking and rolling...when I lay awake gritting my teeth I put my hand on Heather's bulbous gut and feel Chloe (anyone else have a better name?) rolling around non-stop. I wonder if I passed on my moody prediliction? We can't wait to see her. She's already grounded until 26!

Isn't it funny how when we are growing up there were no cares, and even though bad shit was going down it didn't affect you that much? When did that change? There is an LDS artist who painted self-portraits, not of himself literally, but of himself traveling through the life-span, and he's walking down a hall which is about to turn abruptly to an open doorway which is blackened except for a light in the middle twinkling like a star. He starts out as a child, posture straight, smiling and clean, but as he's nearing the turn in the hallway he is obviously aging, his 'walk' isn't so confident, and little 'things' are attached to him in various spots (they are parasites which look like the creatures on the album cover Too Dark Park from SP). There are obvious periorbital wrinkles and darkened edema, and a look of questioning himself. This is right before he turns towards the darkened doorway...My description does the picture no justice, but the meaning is profound to me. Does the 'diamond process' continue in post-mortality? I would think it has to. It may be naiviety in saying so but I cannot conceive of the 'cleansing' process being complete here on this sphere of existence. I'm going to the Temple real soon, I just have to make an appointment with the Stake Presidency for the second interview. I will be Temple-worthy, I take the sacrament every Sunday, I keep the covenants made in the Temple, but still there is that nagging feeling of incompleteness...it's like I have a spiritual tapeworm!

Night Shift Blues

2007-02-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

I started working the night shift around New Years. I actually like it because it fits my work-out schedules more and I feel I have more time with the kids. When I make it, of course...However, I fall asleep doing nothing, sitting in my beloved bubble baths, and watching 24 which my wife tapes for me.

This is a picture of me in my garments on the couch crashed out. My wife took it without me knowing.

I don't live today...just merely existing...

2007-02-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

Does anybody else have my problem? I was talking to Heather and I told her I think I might be insane, which is no big deal, because if I am I've been insane for almost 35 years now and I'm able to function. I've coined the phrase 'functionally insane' before...

Anyways, I told her I feel I'm living in anticipation of future events, goals, etc. and not enjoying the present. I...can't...relax...

I woke up at 1:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep...Houston is 45 degrees outside so it's too cold to go outside, and there is nothing but concrete to gaze at anyway...all of these upcoming deadlines were looming: my responsibilities in the ward for the Feb. 16th activity (I'm in charge of the music...hahaha...they requested country and I asked "What is country?" I will provide Skinny Puppy instead and knife their aural receptors...hahaha...anarchy at the ward chili cook-off...), school papers, pregnant wife, kids, living in the suburbs...

Speaking of the suburbs, what is so repulsive about living in the suburbs? I feel trapped...I enjoy the 'amenities' of living in the suburbs, such as the local skate park, gym, library, and stuff but I'M LOSING MY MIND!!?! Is it this particular suburb? Kingwood?

So, I wonder if all of this stuff I'm feeling is symptomolgy of disorders (?) if I truly do have a clinical disorder (Depression, bi-polar, etc.).

I'm going to New Orleans for Spring Break! I'm taking my bike and nothing else and visiting my family.

I'm listening to Ty Cobb from Soundgarden which kind of sums up how I feel about my suburb, ward, etc.

New World Order?

2007-01-30T01:15:00.000-08:00

This scares me...

Infinite Annoyances by strange Mormons

2007-01-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, here we go again...Saturday my 12 y/o attended a merit badge fair for Boy Scouts in Atascocita put on by our Church. When he came home, he said he had some altercation with someone from the Eagle Springs Ward, another boy. He described what happened, and I let it go, telling him to remember who he was and make good decisions and to be friendly. Wellllllll, my friend from Eagle Springs was there, he's in the Stake Youth in some position, and he calls me up Saturday evening telling me about the incident. I'm asking him the whole time what's the point of him telling me this because I already forgot about it. It turns out his story correlates with my son's account almost exactly. He also states the mother of this young kid called him and is going to call me. Well, here is the rub: in my opinion, kids will be kids, boys will be boys, and conflict will always arise, no matter what. I'm not saying that just to excuse behavior on either sides of the issue. My friend said my son used some bad language (the f-word, etc.) and my son swears he said "freaking" and "crap". My son says it alot at home and he gets berated for it at home also, but I don't know.

So, to clarify my complaint: why would someone feel the need to call me and tell on my son, which is how I took the whole incident? When I was in the youth, conflict was handled 'in-house'. For example, at a dance in Klein this guy jumped me in the middle of the dance floor over some girl who liked me but I payed no attention to. My youth leader, who btw is my current stake president, broke up the fight, if you can call it that. But, it never got to my parents. No leader felt the need to 'report Louis's herectical non-Mormon acting ways' or anything. An hour after the incident it was forgotten...this kind of action is always happening over here. Is it an isolated Kingwood-Humble area Mormon type thing or is it Church-wide?

In my quest for strength and patience, I feel I'm being tested to see how I will react...Sometimes I think Mormons make me the angriest, asides from politicians, which don't count because they're cartoon figures anyway. Nevertheless, all is well. I remember in D/C where Joseph Smith states "many are called but few are chosen, because when they get some (self-perceived) authority they try to use it by force instead of charity and patience..." I'm paraphrasing because I haven't memorized it verbatim. It goes on to state "beware, lest ye are left to 'kick against the pricks'. I feel in my anger to be the prick they kick against...

Hamas, Israel

2007-01-28T00:19:00.000-08:00

Hamas' constitution, 1987 (1988?).

Israel's Declaration of Independence.

The Balfour Declaration.

A brief history of the Ottoman Empire.

More Ottoman Empire light.

The Jerusalem Mosaic.

You spin me right round baby...

2007-01-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

???

Where along Maslow's heirarchy did human beings stop progressing? This is further proof just because a human achieves fame, money, success, or any combination of the three, that human has not self-actualized. As a matter of fact, Western culture does not promote self-actualization. I don't know about Eastern culture, and Middle-eastern culture promotes self-emoilation (hahaha...). On the surface Lou Dobbs appears like a stereotypical self-righteous leftist, but now I'm not so sure. That's how I wrote him off from sound-bytes, but maybe I need to delve into him more. Have you ever wondered if both U.S. political parties have the same hand up their asses? Does it matter who actually wins in government anymore? Is our political process dead?

Now, even more scarier, what if the government actually is not so out of touch with the populace, but the government is a microcosmic reflection of our society? I was reading in 4th Nephi and the whole Book of Mormon (not the comprehensive B.O.M., but the section Mormon wrote, namely the Book of Mormon within... the Book of Mormon...the book following 4th Nephi, dammit!) The neo-Lamanites are just beginning to eat the neo-Nephites' lunch on a mortal scale and it is all due to the degeneration of society. It is interesting to see how the Book of Mormon progresses, and apply that to our present day world. But, the catch nowadays is the Lord has promised the Priesthood will never again be taken from the Earth. How do you think this very real issue of our time will play out? Has not one of our apostles said our time has paralleled Sodom and Gomorrah presently?

It's funny how people blame all of our ills on the government when our society puts out trash such as American Idle, tabloids, celebrity promotion, ghettos, strip bars, and so on. I'm not looking down my righteously swollen nose at it either because I'm sure some of the music I listen to and purchase promotes the same. But I don't blame the government for it. Now, back to Maslow...

So is Pete typical of western culture and therefore not so much a freak as initail reaction would state?

Happy?

2007-01-24T14:06:00.000-08:00

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands..."

Jaws

2007-01-24T08:29:00.000-08:00

Look at this. And this...

I was once going to study marine biology. I think it's interesting Japan is also seeing more frequently giant squid, which were once thought extinct. Nature is wonderful.

Sooooeeeee...part II

2007-01-23T00:40:00.000-08:00

Lil' pig, lil' pig, let me in...

Soooeeee!

2007-01-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig, boy!

The bogey-man cometh...

2007-01-19T18:47:00.001-08:00

http://www.breitbart.com/news/na/070119065120.35eo16xs.html

The T.V. show is sparking anti-Muslim feelings across the United States?

It's not:

-female circumcision?
-suicide bombings?
-blatant disregard for all women and non-Muslims?
-the Taliban's religious police executing and torturing those 'not exhibiting Muslim--acceptable' features, such as the length of a beard?
-the religion of peace, peacefully decapitating non-Muslims while praying 'God is Great'?
-multiple national leaders (Iran, Syria, etc.) calling for and predicting the imminent conflagration of the West and Israel?
-the democratic (ha!) elections of a terrorist organization (Hamas)to rule whose constitution specifically states for the driving out of Palenstine and the world extermination of the Jews?
-the physical pissing on the flag of the one country who will not prosecute you for doing so (Muslim protesters in N.Y.)?...

...and so on...

It's the television, stupid.

Spreetard...

2007-01-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen the Polyphonic Spree?

I have this picture of the Second Coming where the Lord is heralded by angels on either side as He's descending on a cloud over the desert. It's a pretty famous painting in LDS culture. I have the idea of painting the bottom hems of all the angels different colors because (and this may sound cheesy) there is a majesty about the Spree's music. Sure, they are just a band, but their sounds can be incredible and the structure of their songs are breathtaking. One time after a run during the freak-out I was picturing the music the angels are playing could be as majestic as the Spree's but on a so-much-higher level.

Heather and I saw them in Ft. Worth during the July 4th weekend of 2005 at the botanical gardens. We arrived a few hours before the show and decided to tour the botanical gardens. The stage was a couple acres away in a field surrounded by trees and while we were walking around we started hearing all of these eerie and beautiful sounds. Spree soundcheck! So cool...Second time was in Austin at Emo's last fall, 2006. We drove from Houston to see them and got to catch Pilotdrift, which is a really great band. Emo's stage is kind of small, the inside part was hot, and cigarette smoke was heavy. The show was good, but the atmosphere lacked the magic of Ft. Worth's show. But, I'll settle for anywhere for a Spree show.

"Yeah, everyone wants to know love..."

maybe...

You Can't Stop the Springtime From Cumming...

2007-01-17T14:02:00.000-08:00

I couldn't watch the season premiere episodes of 24 because I was working. So, last night I watched all of them (my wife taped them). I knew what happened at the last episode (9am-10am?) but still when it happened, I couldn't help crying. It was very powerful, esp. since I see this show almost like a prediction of the very near future. Except for Jack Bauer of course. His character is a little over the top, but hey, it's great t.v. Why watch the news when 24 is on? I also think it's a little telling of American society when American Idle is shown right before.

The nurses I work with buy People magazine, US, Cosmopolitan, etc. and I look through these magazines, I see the Golden Globules awards, the Grammys, etc. and I wonder if this is what people around the world perceive us as. Or, maybe our society IS this. So, this is what it leads me to think: What are we fighting for? Then I remember, free agency. Just because American society is decadent, it doesn't mean I'm fighting for decadence. The Bill of Rights is a perfect concept, just like the Gospel. But people fuck it up. So, if the world is stupid enough to think the U.S. is correctly represented by American Idle, Star, US magazine, Cosmo, etc., the it is no wonder we're getting bombed. I think it is so disgusting to see the diet fads of 'celebrities' then followed by pictures of naturally starved thin people around the world. Let's ask India, most of Africa, and Mexico if they're worried about their weight. Sure, their governments are fucked up but I'm talking of their society.

Anyways...

I went to the mall today (Deerbrook in Humble) with my wife to get a back brace because the femme fetus is causing a little back-ache. When I went in, I started freaking out. All of a sudden I HAD to leave NOW. But I endured for my wife's sake. So I started analyzing this because lately I've been feeling ok in reference to depression, etc. Hmmm...I still have no answers but I'm not worried. ElizW, I was wondering, are you also a pharmaceutical representative? Hahahahhaha...

When I was in the Army, my wife was in the Primary Presidency. One time she said she needed a spiritual scripture on the fly; it was Sunday after Sacrament and an emergency, so I gave her Moroni 9:8.

Wild...yet tantalizing...cerebral candy...Perfect music...

2007-01-15T15:01:00.000-08:00

What a cool video. This is the type of music I would like to make.

psychic disturbances feeding on my neuronal magnetic resonances emitting funkified grits and eggs

2007-01-13T21:36:00.000-08:00

Ha! I decided to ramble the title of this episode.

I had a dream...I was in the woods, it was very green all around, and I just so happened to die. I don't know what from...but, Heather was away and I needed to let her know I died. So, the issue was, how do I communicate with her since I'm now on a different plane? So, I found this clearing in the middle of the woods and it so happened to be where Heather and I lived. There was no house or structure, just a clearing. Somehow, I came up with the idea of finding some piano strings and vibrating them to 'communicate' with Heather since I'm...spirit-form...? Where did this come from? So, that is how I let her know I was dead.

I saw a cool show on CNN called Combat Hospital about a military hospital in Iraq. It made me wonder if I might be there within a year or so. I think I would actually volunteer for service. It is kind of cool because the military medical staff takes care of all the injured or sick, regardless of which 'side' of the conflict they're on.

The Legendary Pink Dots are great because...

2007-01-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

they're legendary. Here is the lyrics to Disturbance from the Maria Dimension album:

"We ride on the avalanche we climb the melting red lungs of the ladder that
Leads high to a darkening moon. we're the watchers of disaster, we're the
Dancers on your tomb. we're the invisible invaders of your privacy... your
Dreams. we're the spectres on your screen. we murmur sweet transparent
Lunacy on hot oppressive nights - you shine a light and you will see just
A shadow"

I actually saw them at Fitzgeralds in Houston a long time ago...I don't really pay attention to lyrics and singers that much but some songs are enhanced by them. This song floats and builds and the music actually puncuates the lyrics (or lyrics punctuate the music...?!?). I've listened to this song a kabillion times and just now this morning noticed the words. "We murmur sweet transparent Lunacy..." Brilliant...

Many years ago there was something growing inside your mother...

2007-01-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

And it was you...!

I'm trying something different with Scripture study. I'm looking up topics in the index and studying the references instead of reading the Scriptures chronologically. I've done it before years ago and I don't know why I don't do that more often...

Home Teaching is going well. One of my families just had a baby boy, Jonah. My other families are doing well. I get more from them than they do from me, I'm sure.

Female fetus is growing. We have a live-action ultrasound and in it she yawns for ten or so seconds, and when she shuts her mouth, her cheeks look so fat! I love fat babies! Today, while I was working out, I wondered how much my life will change having a daughter. I thought if I would feel for her more, less, or differently than I do my sons. I wondered what kind of man she would marry, if I didn't dismember him first. I also wondered how to love her so she wouldn't fall prey to worrying about her body image and bulemia-izing herself. I wonder if any of my mood-chromosomes were passed on.

I want so much to get back to the Temple. I think February will be the time. Elder's Quorum talked about weakness being a thorn in the side, but also I feel very strongly it's a medium for growth. I so desparately need to learn patience and humility. I think once I learn faith, hope, and charity, I'll be on my way.

New Years

2007-01-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

What did you do New Years Eve? I greeted 2007 on the helipad of Memorial Hermann's Lifeflight. The weather was chilly and windy, and only a few fireworks were going off on the horizon. Nothing New Yorkish...

It's been a relatively easy shift or otherwise I wouldn't be writing. I'm so tired I feel like my orbital sockets are melting down my face and my eyes are crossing. We have an empty room on the floor and I'm watching adult swim on the cartoon channel, and it introduced me to my new favorite band:

Dethklok.

Fellatio New Orleans

2006-12-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

You go, Edwards! No one doubts your sincerity in shoveling that garbage! Politicians are dirt. Involvement in politics is kind of admitting you have no control over yourself and need guidance from other men; kind of like slavery...but then it's kind of a trap: there is a possibility of being enslaved if you're not involved...

So, John, what does it taste like?

It's kind of like the Gospel. Equate the Bill of Rights with the 4th Article of Faith: If you stray from either, you miss the point of the whole. That's when people start getting freaky! Freaky mormons or freaky politicians, they give a bad name to healthy forums.

I found some old and recent music: Pixies, Exploited, Infected Mushroom, and Broken Social Scene.

Heather and I went to another Ultrasound and yes, it's still a girl. I'm kind of hoping there was a mistake last month, because after three boys a girl is going to freak me out (and I know freaking out).

Don't give me no shit because...I've been tired (Pixies)

Little Acorns

2006-12-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

Be like the squirrel, girl, be like the squirrel...

Heather and I had her brother, his girlfriend, and her niece over for Christmas Day. We ate lots of food and took a walk around the 'hood. Right before we got home, there appeared a dead squirrel on the side of the road. All of the party had run ahead except Heather, Russel (her brother), and myself. We had our digital cameras and we were saying stuff like, "Shouldn't drink and drive, squirrel..." and stupid stuff like that. All of a sudden, I got the bright idea to prop the squirrel up against the curb and stick a cigarette butt in it's rigor-mortis jaws. Then, another bright idea popped into my head: what if we had a beer bottle around to put into it's paws? I looked into the edge of the woods and shazaam! a beer bottle appeared (I live next to the magical woods Christopher Robins walks his stuffed friends in). So, we were cracking up, laughing our heads off, Heather's about to pee on herself because she's big with child, and Russel and I are making crude comments! So much fun! Then, I looked up and saw across the street my friend Doug R., who happens to also be a counselor in our Ward's Elder's Quorum presidency. I said, "Hey, Doug, come check this out" because he was staring at the three of us laughing our booties off in the middle of the street. Also, his dad visiting from Utah was in the yard. So he starts to come over, but to our dismay he's bringing his 4 y/o son with him. I said, "Uh, you might not want to bring him over here". He looked over our shoulders, and his face fell. He turned around and walked his son back home. So, we left the scene, and told the rest of the family of our adventure, and decided to go on another walk and show them our friend the squirrel. But, it was gone...! What happened?

I think my friend might have gotten weirded out by the whole thing and decided the squirrel deserved a better fate of it's carcass than the crude mockery I inflicted upon it...? Maybe? Anyways, Merry Christmas!

Mis-Spaced

2006-12-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I finally did myspace with the help of my son Goobers.

myspace.com/psychicheads

If you have any ideas on how to spruce it up with different backgrounds, music, etc. let me know. I find the idead of myspace as narcissistic, but I have so many friends out there I figured why not.

LDS

2006-12-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

I'm back! I'm playing Church hymns on Itunes (interspersed with Alien Sex Fiend, Skinny Puppy, etc.)and desiring to live simply and righteously. Wow, the roller-coaster is great! I have no desires for reeb or anything of that nature. I feel like actually talking with people and interacting in Church. But, I'm still moving forward guardedly. Forward, Guardedly. That could be a title for something nice...

I bought myself a dog for Christmas. A miniature Dachsund. We had it wormed and shot already.

LSD

2006-12-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

Lonely Saturn Destination. I stopped drinking, again. It's weird; one day I'm tragic, burned out, mentally ill, then the next I'm back to my 'good' Mormon self like I never even tripped up. Strange...but I still feel minor waves of black every now and then. It's like an earthquake with all the little aftershocks. So now I'm back to feeling like I'm normal and it's all in my head and I had a moment of weakness as opposed to something darker and I don't really need 'help'...

I went to a friend's house, whom I also home-teach, and they sang Christmas carols and had good food to eat and then afterwards we watched the 1st Presidency message. What a night! It was good and strange to see there are actually families like that. I felt like I was on the outside looking in...surreal.

My battery died and a complete stranger gave me a ride home way out of his way, and it made him late for work.

There are people with good hearts; it's strange...

I was thinking of the power struggles going on around the world, and I wonder if maybe I should let those struggles go on without worrying about it...? Thinking of that, I then thought about suicide bombers and maybe understood their reasoning about this is not their world so why not kill themselves and others, and I wonder if maybe I was actually thinking of being a holy apathy-bomber...? I would make 'good' choices but let the world sink in it's own defecation (I'm trying not to cuss but it's so fucking hard...hahahaha) because of the call of 'being in the world but not of it' or something like that.

Another struggle on the Mormon front: I read a good book called "My Sister's Keeper" which was going to be a reading group book for some of the sisters in my ward here in Kingwood but someone shot it down because of the 'f-word'. So, here is the question, and I could care less either way: the story is powerful. I felt no influence to cuss, fart, or murder after reading it. I think personally the story made a lot of good points, esp. since I work in the med. field. Would it be inappropriate to read it because of the language? I guess you have to read it to have any kind of opinion...Oh yeah, why doesn't the Elder's quorum have a monthly reading club? And would any of you online strangers be interested in starting a blogging reading club?

I'm thinking of Chloe for a name...

Reason # 5,042 to Nuke the crap out of them...

2006-12-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

Religion of peace.

There's a freak in the cellar...

2006-12-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

And I'm going to let him in...

We're driving to work, which is a 45 minute drive, so I have time to jam, and we're listening to Rembrandt Pussyhorse, and my four year old says Gibby Haynes sounds like Spongebob. How cool is that?

Anyways...I'm sick of the middle east. Screw the middle east. Let them wallow in their own mire. I hate all of the anti-Americans and all of their hypocrisy. Feminism, except when Islam deigns to commit female circumcision...equal rights except for Christians...the world is sucking down stupid pills right now. So I was right, all along, reading Mad magazine...

It is cool and scary at the same time to have a girl...I wonder if she will motivate me to straighten up and save my soul...Nearer my God to thee, for further I could not be...I've been imbibing on dark waters so forgive my ramblings...

The only thing I'm sure of at this point is I love my family. I don't like Church. I love the Gospel. Dark times...

Estrogenous Tidal Wave

2006-11-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

It's a girl. I'm scared.

I Won't Have An Excuse

2006-11-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

Confusion. There are times when I feel I'm not right with of my standing with God, Heavenly Father,or the Lord. Why is that? Obviously I won't have the Spirit while I'm breaking the Word of Wisdom. Yet, there are times when there is darkness, and it has nothing to do with sin/not sinning, etc. It is a real, palpable feeling. My stomach burns, I feel like I'm in a sort-of dream like state where I can function but I know my outlook is severly screwed. It is during those times I feel lost. I can intellectually know what I'm feeling is not normal, but emotionally I can't see past the mood. So why must I feel the pain? Is it a learning experience? Is it to teach me empathy? Is it a test? Or, is it a physiologically-based experience? So that is where the confusion lies. I refuse to feel the pain at this time. Maybe because I'm weak, maybe because I have no spiritual backbone, maybe I'm already lost. I don't know. So, because I'm lost I have an excuse to self-medicate. I don't like it, I don't want it, but the pain becomes too much. Hence, my excuse.

My friend going through similar stuff says all of this will make sense once I see the head-witch, er, psychiatrist, shrink, whatever, and get on medication. Does this make sense? It's funny...every winter I put on a few pounds and become grumpy during the trip, and my friend told me to liken the experience to a bear when I teach my kids: During the winter, the bear eats a lot, puts on some weight, and likes to hibernate; but don't mess with the bear!

Also, for whoever reads, this is not my total experience! I do have periods of feeling nothing!

Shrink Wrapped

2006-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

I am thinking of seeing a head-doctor but have reservations about it. There's no pride issue in doing so, with me. I don't think less of myself for it. But the reservations I have are these:

1. Whatever 'help' I receive will alter my perceptions and thinking...?
2. Should I see an LDS shrink (counselor, etc.) or does it matter?
3. Will this affect my ability to provide for the family, as in the Army or career?
4. Wasn't Andrea Yates a depressed nurse?
5. I won't have an excuse.

I saw an episode of King of the Hill where Bobby starts taking an antidepressant and became a zombie. I know it's a cartoon but it reflects a fear of mine. Does antidepressants make a reality a non-reality? For example, maybe I'm not really depressed but overwhelmed by all the crap in the world. If I take antidepressants will it mask all that crap (which I feel is real) go away? Will it mask the crap? Crap-mask? Will I start liking country music??? Will I be making casseroles and scrap-booking? Maybe what I'm really afraid of is being emotionally neutered. Hah! Freud that! J. Lydon would be proud!

Blast The Brain Cells Orbiting New Space

2006-11-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hey. I work and go to school both full time. Therefore, there are these frequent stretches of funk where I go to work, work 12 hours on these extremely sick people, and then come home to be with my family for an hour or so before the kids go to bed. However, that hour I'm like a zombie. Lately I wonder if the rest of my life is like or will be like this. Cabaret Voltaire had a song where they interspersed the sample, "Go to work, go to church" over and over again. I think I'm having mortality death blues. Anyways, I'm currently on Shiner light (gotta watch the figure) # 4, slowly careening over the deep end...
I saw a special on Fox News about India Company in the Marines when we invaded Fallujah (rightfully so). Man, I wish I could have been there. Punk m*****fuckers...the terrorists, I mean. Zarqawi left the city after we invaded, urging his men to stay and fight to the death. How can a whole group of people be so blind to his cowardice? If you are that convicted in your beliefs, wouldn't you be an example and stay? Anyways...
Depression isn't that bad. I give up. No more fighting. Just floating. I skipped Primus last week. Which is really weird because live they are 20 million times more intense than recorded.

I read The Poisonwood Bible. Really great book. When we lived in Copperas Cove while I was in the Army, Baptists used to come over asking me if I've been born again, do I accept J.C. as my personal saviour, and all that rote bs. The book reminded me of that on the surface. It got to a point where it seemed the Baptists had to prove their faith (to their friends or themselves???) and cut their teeth by harassing me, me being a Mormon. Then there is Fred Phelps, the almighty Baptist minister from Topeka, Kansas, on a mission from God. Google him. Dead Whelps. Baptists are the American version of Islamofacists. Sorry if I offend, I'm just wallowing in my mire...

Anus

2006-10-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

I wish I could be within reaching distance of Kerry right now. I would happily trade my freedom to get one square punch in his elitist snobbist face and make him bleed. I would make him suffer.

Give me Head...Psychic Head

2006-10-30T14:17:00.000-08:00

Heather and I've been married (to each other) 13 years now. 13 years and 10 months ago she asked me out to a Ministry show in downtown Houston...I denied her (I was already going with another girl) but then we got high after work one time, she said, "I feel like I want to kiss you", but then I replied, "I've got a girlfriend", and then we made out. Yummy! Uh, the other girl I have not seen for 13 years and 10 months. 10 months later we were married by our bishop (she joined the Church one month or so prior), and our first son was born 7 months later, in May. Heather refuses to dye her hair purple for me. You see, that's the thing about women. I think I'm more or less the same, but she had the purple hair and dark lipstick which drove this drone bee nuts, but once my queen trapped me, well, she says, "Oh, by the way, I'm normal."..."What?!?"...Women show off their feathers until they have their mate, and then wham. I totally refuse for her to cut her hair short.

I've been self-medicating. The good thing about severe crashes of depression is that you already see yourself as lost so what the heck, it can't get any worse. Self-prescribed coping medications...Some pale, some amber, all delicious...

My Name is Louis and I'm an Alcoholic

2006-10-17T03:30:00.000-07:00

"We love you, Louis."

Actually my grandfather was an alcoholic. I say "was" because he's no longer residing on the planet. My father is a teetotaler; he joined the Church when I was 2 or 3 and has been non-stop Mormon man ever since. He had to learn the lesson of not controlling every single move his kids made the hard way, and I bore the brunt of that, but he has done better than most with the tools he has or had to work with. There were times he was abusive, loud, and domineering, but in retrospect and with the spectacles of adulthood I now wear I see he wasn't doing it out of non-love. Whatever. It is what it is.

Now. I think the sixties (hippie culture) really jacked things up. I wasn't there, but I caught the tail-end residuals of the shallowness of that counterculture. I also feel the sixties abused alot of possible good, such as medications. Which leads me to this.

Working in medicine, I have felt oftentimes there are things people use that are crazy. Inotropics, blood-pressure medicines, acetominophen, these drugs have narrow therapeutic ranges, and anything outside of those ranges are potentially dangerous. I got into nursing to prepare for med school, but I sometimes wonder if medicine is controlled by pharmaceutical companies...? Why not herbal remedies? Think of this: if there was not such a negative social stigma attached to LSD, mushrooms, or marijuana (these are examples), what good could come from its usage? Another double-standard: all the nurses I work with swear up and down about how stupid marijuana is, yet they always talk of the bars and getting wasted. I don't use any of this (I keep the Word of Wisdom) but I'm open for medicinal usage of certain drugs.

Stupid hippies...

Dreams

2006-10-13T03:42:00.000-07:00

One life, one love, your body is delicious
One life, one love, your body is delicious
(chanted in my vocoder, robotically)

I dreamed this last night. I don't like the 'one...love' bit, but it fit into the beat I was dreaming. I need to start keeping a notebook next to the bed so when I wakeup I can write the words I was dreaming; I've lost so many good lyrics that way.

I also had a dream the members of my ward told me they didn't want me around their teenagers at a ward function because they thought I'd lead them astray, so I started crying, I cussed them out, and then I streaked that particular ward function. Only in my dreams...

Spectrum Perspective

2006-10-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

I was thinking, why do certain people like the music they do, or the styles of hairs or clothes they do, including myself? I've addressed this before, and it's a recurring theme. I think it's part of why I shave my head. I want to present an image of neutrality. But people freak-out. In Elder's Quorum during the opening exercises, the EQP welcomed everybody and thanked me in front of everybody for shaving my head to make the naturally bald look better. ??? So I was thinking, from what angle do I see things, and how is it different from, say, a kicker does? Kicker meaning the whole gamut of country music, ropers, boots, pick-up trucks, inbreeding (ha! I don't mean that, it's just funny). I mean, how does that person view the world?

I came to the conclusion whatever the topic is, it is represented by a sphere. Some people view the sphere (music, hair style, clothes, etc.) from one side, and some view from the other side. Some look from underneath, and some look from on top. Does this make sense? How you are depends on what angle you view the sphere from. ?

So, maybe I'm not depressed...? Who determines the criteria for depression if it is part of the whole human(mortal)experience? One of the reasons I don't want medication is maybe medicine is a big business scam. I meet so many of the criteria for this checklist so it is ethically and morally responsible for me to start taking these medications...? I don't know. I'm just rambling...

Synthetic Hormones

2006-10-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

Man. I was in Church today and picking apart everybody who stood up to bear their testimonies. The dutiful daughter, the man who bore his testimony of the preceeding testimony-bearers, the sobber, the bawler, the self-declarer, and so on. I knew I was being critical, but it seemed impossible not to. I left sacrament and took my 4-year-old to the bathroom (he had to "poo really bad") and just stood in the stall for a while. I left Church and took a nap in a park nearby until Church let out and then I picked up the family. I'm thinking of telling the Elder's q.p. I'm not home-teaching anymore for a while, I'm very sick, and I'm freaking out (all true). Anyways...

I got a micro-Korg. What I really want is a Minimoog but they cost about $3500, and I have other priorities, monetarily speaking, such as feeding children that I could put $3500 to. So, until that moment comes, I bought a microkorg synth and it is cool. It has a bunch of presets but you can tweak the sound on each one so the possibilites are limitless. I developed a sound, told Heather what keys to press, and took turns playing guitar and drums while she played it. Shazamm! It is good. The sounds I can get put me into such a strange mood, each mood different according to the sound. I want an Apple, MOTU, Reason, Ableton Live, and some mics and I'll be set. The stuff I was playing sounded a little like Meat Beat Manifesto and old Kraftwerk combined. Trippy, ambient, playful, strange...yummy...

Asystole

2006-09-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

My mood has flat-lined. DNR. Morphine drip...Comfort measures only...

I am not feeling anything. I feel no light, I feel no dark. My feelings are flat. Not apathetic, just nothing. The weather is beautiful in Houston today. I rode my bike home and the hum of the motor, the feel of the slightly cool wind, and the humidity-less atmosphere was great.

One of my friends here looks up other peoples' houses on tax records to estimate how much they make. My siblings are heroin addicts. My wife is beautiful and gestating nicely. And I'm getting old.

I read the BOM everyday (almost) but don't go to Church. I pray, I sin, I feel guilt, I eke my salvation. Minimal devotion. Great faith, limited works...

I look at my front yard in the suburbs of Kingwood and think to myself somewhere to the South of me is a girl hating herself and displacing it on Americans by comparing her humble, honest living to the decadent lifestyles of the imperialists gringos. Ah, the righteousness of the noble poor...

Ramble on...

Wait...What?

2006-09-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, I tried to refrain, but the news in the past week is a commentator's buffet...We had Amehdinajab (sp?) in our hands and we let him go...Ugh...Come on, what is our leadership thinking? We had him on our soil, countless armed volunteers to take him out...what?

The Pope quotes some 16th century ruler's estimation of Mohammed as bringing nothing but violence and hate into the world so what does the squeaky wheel faction of Islam do? Prove the Pope wrong? Turn the other cheek? What???

There are UFOs circling our space shuttle?

I ignore the news (on purpose) and look what happens...

Storms and Black Clouds

2006-09-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, my old faithful friend is back. I'm hunkering down and gritting my teeth hoping for the ride to end. I had a dream last night and I wonder if it's some kind of premonition or something. I was riding a roller coaster at an amusement park and Jacob, my 9 y/o was in the seat in front of me. I looked to see if he was scared and he wasn't, but it appeared my youngest, Matthew, was in the seat next to him and Jacob was kind of acting as a guide, pointing out to Matthew not to be afraid.

And yes, I shaved my head again.

Depression is a bitch.

Sept. 11

2006-09-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

What were you doing 5 years ago today?

And You Will Know Us by the Trail of the Head...

2006-09-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

And I Paused In Cosmic Reflection...

2006-08-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

Confused and Wondering, How I Came To Die....

So here I was, playing drums to this cd I made with ac/dc, flaming lips, chemical brothers, prodigy, and the pixies, and then I switched to the theremin, and then the thought...

What if we are all dead already, on this sphere of existence, and those that 'pass on' from our sphere are the ones obtaining their eternity?

I don't actually believe this, I was just thinking...

So Where Are the Spiders?

2006-08-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

A little Ziggy for you...

I'm reading this book called The Naked Communist by W. Cleon Skousen. It starts with the theories and philosophies leading up to Communism, the history of the Bolshevik revolution and subsequent U.S.S.R., and the world-view of the Russian Communists. It takes the views of Communism and Capitalism, compares experiments in both, and makes statements regarding 'benefits' of both philosophies. In making these statements, speeches are quoted, and the author's comments are backed up by footnotes, I guess in order to minimize the author's bias. It is very interesting, even more so since I was alive for the last 1/3 of the Cold War (if you believe it's over). All of this leads to this thought:

When man was put on Earth, he was given Choice. Looking back on religion (in general, not any denomination, deity, etc.), governmental philosophies, different societies, etc. man has always tried to search out some new, better way of living as they saw fit at that particular time. So, taking all of these differences into consideration, does the Choice of government men decide upon create the society they live in or does the society men live in create the philosophy men choose to govern themselves in? I was watching a Discovery channel series on Indigenous tribes of New Zealand (where is Old Zealand?) (hahaha, playful jab at Pisces, seeing I'm from Texas...get it?) and Africa, and I'm not going to get into the obvious lifestyle differences of indigenous tribes and other civilizations, but the above question arose.

For those new to this madness, I'm LDS and fully embrace the idea of peaceful persuasion in terms of religious philosophy. I think it's interesting to see all government stems from religious questions. All of them. Am I wrong?

Levity

2006-08-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

My wife was lamenting her pooch and looking at herself sideways in the mirror and groaned. Matthew, our 4 year old, asked what's wrong? She replied her stomach. Matthew asked, "Getting big, like daddy's?"

Heather will be able to tell the story better since I heard it from her. How funny. I love that little boy.

September 14, 2006

2006-08-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

I was running and listening to the IPOD and all of a sudden it froze in the middle of the song So Long by Pilotdrift which is a 'new' (?) band from Texarkana who my beautiful wife and I are going to see in Austin on September 14, 2006 when they open for the Polyphonic Spree. It's going to be an outside show in the fall in the hill country of Texas (mf)and hopefully the sky will be clear, the music loud, and good feelings, and of course Polyphonic Spree. The music is so powerful; we saw the Spree last year in Ft. Worth over July 4th weekend and it brings goosebumps. The show was in the middle of these woods in a botanical garden and wow! The sky was clear and although it was hot I didn't notice it. So anyways...

I ran 5 miles tonight-I walked the last half-mile fiddling with my frozen IPOD. I have to run with music, there's no other way. Here's what I listened to until the big freeze:

Where's Your Head At-Basement Jaxx
Thunderstruck-AC/DC
Astronomy Domine-Voivod
Artificial Intelligence-Autechre
Broken Drum-Beck
Golden Path-Flaming Lips w/ the Chemical Bros.
Plainsong-The Cure
Minerva-Deftones
Feiticeira-Deftones
Puritania-Dimmu Borgir
So Long-Pilotdrift

Then the cursed freeze. This is what I would have finished with if IPOD played nice:

Cursed Male-Porno For Pyros
Voodoo People-Prodigy and Chemical Bros. (I really like Chem. Bros.)
Starla-Smashing Pumpkins
Push It-Static X

So, 5 miles. Darn it. I have to get new shoes, my shins are starting to ache. I will post pictures of the Spree when the time comes.

Run For Your Life!!!

2006-08-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

They've arrived. Crossing the borders these immigrants are hell-bent on our destruction. Do they have rights like you and I? Some people think so. Others would like to shoot them. I don't know where I stand on this issue, but I feel all the work I've done to raise my kids right and live by laws, respecting others, and doing good is being thrown down the drains as these miserable little creatures overrun our country 'just to find something better'. Miscreants. Social tyrants. Well, I'm from Texas, and we have a sure-fire way of dealing with unwanted undocumented pests, unlike those in the liberal Northwest. You want to see what happens when we turn the other cheek?

Then click here.

Put Out On A Corner, Today Ain't Garbage Day

2006-08-21T05:20:00.001-07:00

I woke up this a.m. around 4, trying to motivate myself to run, and ended up in the bathtub again surrounded by bubbles, the water-jets on high, reading...and thinking. I was reading C.S. Lewis and the Bill of Rights in this Constitution set I got a while back. So I was thinking on events, on people I interact with on a day to day basis, people I read on the blogs, and so on. I started thinking of personalities, how one is formed, is there a turning point when one radically changes, or does one change at all??? Hmmm....

I have this friend who is LDS and he thinks in very linear terms. I see he is a good man, meaning his heart, but we grate on each other. He has tight control on everything in his life. There are rules and they must be followed. I am not like that. I follow rules, of course, but I adapt according to situations. I am not eloquent but I know what I mean. I am not faulting him. I'm just stating differences in perspectives. This led to my next thought.

Do we interact with each other from the basis of our insecurities? I think there is some level of self-hate in all of us; it's a part of human nature, I think. I have a book written about Relationships where all relationships are reduced to three types: Relationships with God, Self, and ??. I forgot the other one. But the one with Self intrigued me. Is it selfish or arrogant to love your Self? At first I thought so but now I don't. I think there is a level of dishonesty when we interact with each other because we feel we have to present our best selves (what we perceive to be our best selves); basically, we present a lie. I received two emails from other bloggers, one from someone stating not to post on their blog because they don't want the 'others' to know I'm LDS (WTF). Then the other wrote me about boundaries. That's fine, I see where they may be coming from, but I disagree. If one blogs one is putting something into the public eye for scrutiny and should accept this. I took their personal responses (they emailed me, not blogged me) as something they reacted to on a deeper level. So do we react to each other based on our insecurities? What drives a personality?

I remember growing up thinking of how people were supposed to act in life. In Church they are to be the stoic, spiritual, all-knowing statue of perfection. Then one day (or rather, one period of years) I snapped and entered the dark side (Lucas rules) where all my preconceptions of how it is supposed to be melted away. It was a painful period but in retrospect was necessary because I have a tendency to be hard-headed, brow of brass, neck of sinew, and all that. It took a fall of great magnitude to break me, although many have fallen harder than I have and my heart goes out to them because I know the pain involved. But then in one moment I realized I've been fighting the wrong war, so to speak. All have insecurities, all have dreams, all have a direction, be it good or bad. But does our insecurities form the basis of how we interact with each other? Can something else drive our personality?

The title comes from an old Flaming Lips song about personalities.

For the Far Queue

2006-08-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

I don't have the talent of words so here you go. It has stated everything that I've been saying but in clearer terms for Pisces and Zatikia.

"Misfire" shouted the Synapse

2006-08-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Theregasm...

My baby, my lover, my theremin...recognize the purple robe in the right corner?

My wife taught me how to make t-shirts. Here's my first. Do you get it? Dork Side of the Moon...

This is my mind after my theremin. Hey, it's the sun, and it makes me smile...

Welcome to hell, preacher...

2006-08-14T02:04:00.000-07:00

What movie is that line from?

I went to Church yesterday. Good times. I've actually been reading the Book Of Mormon everyday for a while now. It does make a difference, but putting it into words is not possible for me. I love the Gospel. I've been concurrently reading the Comprehensive History of the Church and it adds a great appreciation to the work and the direction of the Gospel in the future.

I try to see patterns in my life, when I look at my past. I see the ups and the downs and I wonder if there is a correlation between having my heart set on something not of the Gospel and the down-times? There is so much distraction in this world: music (good or bad), work, bills, war, politics, family (good or bad..ha ha ha), obsession with myself, there is too many to name. Sometimes I can go outside and stand there and there will be nothing going on but it would be...so...loud.

Anyway, I'm deleting Ministry from the IPOD and I-tunes library. I'm not announcing this to brag or show what a spiritual man I am but I'm looking forward to being reconciled to Christ and I don't think I want that weight always dragging on me. Music is physical to me; when I get reflective, Ministry becomes heavy...not in the musical sense.

Yeah.

2006-08-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/C/CONGRESS_MCKINNEY?SITE=7219&SECTION=HOME=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-08-08-23-26-26&TEMPLATE

I don't know if you know who this kook is but it's good to get her out. I was wondering if Georgia had lost their mind, but apparently not. Here's a woman who slapped a police officer who was doing his job, claimed he was 'racial-profiling', and got away with it. Talk about priveledged politicians...I don't know how close the race was, or if the other candidate is any better, but at least McKinney is gone.

Check this out.

8/10/06 Update: Those evil conspiracies finally thwarted her. Not that the voters had a say in her loss, it was the 'voting irregularities'.

August 22, 2006

2006-08-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/08/08/060808145640.rffmjw7d.html

And it came to pass that when I, Mormon, saw their lamentation and their mourning and their sorrow before the Lord, my heart did begin to rejoice within me, knowing the mercies and the long-suffering of the Lord, therefore supposing that he would be merciful unto them that they would again become a righteous people. But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin. And they did not come unto Jesus with broken hearts and contrite spirits, but they did curse God, and wish to die. Nevertheless they would struggle with the sword for their lives. Mormon 2:12-14

...Not that I'm making any correlation. But aren't our times really bizarre? There's a general fear, a palpable tension in the air. Do you feel it? The whole world is in an uproar, the politics are a mess, leaders are smeared everyday by either the people or themselves, or both, the people we looked up to back in the day are turning out to be scum (priests, soldiers, police, family...), everybody has an answer but it always contradicts everybody elses'...The Flaming Lips of all people put out a political album...(I'm listening to Telepathic Surgery).

Thank goodness for faith, Temples, and truth.

In All Seriousness...

2006-08-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of governments, certain political systems, the end results if you follow any movement to fruition, why the lust for power, etc. and I reduced the whole thing to two lines of thought. I thought of this awhile back while studying sociology and psychology a few years ago. Take away all the factions (Christian Coalition, Peta, Now, Aryan Nation, Bush-bots (my term), any 'fringe' movement on both sides of the political spectrum, and you get this question which fuels world politics: Does man (species, not gender) change from the inside or does the environment change man?

Think about it. Leftist politics favor bigger government control over individuals. Communism is the most open, completely thought-out example of leftism. The fringe groups, even those who claim to be rightist, are actually in favor of more government control over man. (I would say these 'fringe' factions are possibly all tools in the toolbox of Communism, so to speak, but that is another topic) The Constitution, which is based alot on Western philosophy (re: Plato, Socrates, etc.) postulates man is a free entity in control of himself and his destiny. And therefore the struggle is: does man need government to guide him, or does man guide government?

For those who understand LDS philosophy, does this sound at all familiar to you?

Here's another thought: Communism and Radical Islam have the same goals in mind: complete domination of mankind. One stems from a biological point of vies and one stems from a theological point of view, but the end result is the same. The common denominator? Power. (I'm splintered as to whether or not all Islam is not Radical...I like to think not, but the barrage coming from 'Islamists' is overwhelming).

Also, as I stated earlier, when using the term 'man' in the above blog I mean the species, not the gender, so Pisces, don't get your thong in a wad.

Have you ever wondered if I was a dork?

2006-08-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

Here's proof: I bought a theremin! I've been waiting forever (it seems) to buy one. It sounds so cool, like electric jolts of ecstasy up and down my spine. Yummy! My amp (Roland Cube 60) has a few effects and wow I love it. It's hard to interpret the sound to mere words.
I don't know when I heard the first theremin. Looking back I remember hearing it during the old b/w horror movies and not knowing what it was. Then on Pet Sounds Brian Wilson uses one (a theremin-like device, not an actual theremin). Gotta keep those good vibrations...Jimmy Page used a theremin and I always tried to figure out how he made those sounds with his guitar, but it turns out it wasn't a guitar. Then I saw the Polyphonic Spree last July 4th weekend in Ft. Worth (attn Pisces Scaredalot: Ft. Worth is in Texas). My sexy wife and I got there early in the afternoon and heard soundcheck, and this freaky sound was coming out from over an acre away, but we couldn't see the stage because the concert was in the middle of this forest. We made it to the stage and saw...it. The theremin. Wow. My past, present, and future collided at once into this glorious colorful peak of sound (a theregasm, if you will) and I coveted one ever since. Now, my dreams are realized and cells are replicating (attn Feces Iscariot: replicate means to divide and multiply).
And the best thing of all: Beautiful wife and I are going to see the Spree in Austin on September 14 and I hope to interview the thereminist on some issues of technique and possible effects he uses.

Well, Gollee...

2006-08-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

It's about time. Then hopefully all of the whiny non-Americans will be happy about us slowly isolating ourselves and spreading our cursed capitalism all across the world. Damn evil individual-rights. Damn the ignoble freedom-mongers. Damn letting people doing as much or as little as they want. Damn Americans...

Snoozin'

2006-08-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2006/8/2/135906.shtml

http://www.nbc10.com/news/9621055/detail.html

Where is everybody? Is everybody sleeping? Have the United States of America gone comatose? Where is our backbone? Why are we scared? Or are we scared?

"O that ye would awake; awake from a deep sleep, yea, even from the sleep of hell, and shake off the awful chains by which ye are bound, which are the chains which bind the children of men, that they re carried away captive down to the eternal gulf of misery and woe." 2 Nephi 1:13

Ever since the beginning of this country there has been some element trying to tear it down. People can't seem to take responsiblity for themselves. Where is the decency? Every other billboard is an advertisement for either liquor or strip clubs. Sure, one can point out the depravity of those institutions but those institutions are getting money from somewhere. The new line of PG movies are dealing with heavy sexual content.

I think there is hope. I have trust in the decency of most of the population here. I run into these people everyday in the hospital, where they are faced literally with life and death situations. I see it in the neighborhood, where people are waving and smiling at each other. I love being an American. I love being born under the rule of the U.S. Constitution. I love the fact I have the freedom of choice to be part of the military defense of this nation. I love the fact I have the relative freedom of raising my children in a way I see fit, to guide them to self-reliance and responsibility, and hopefully a spirit of gratitude towards Heavenly Father who has blessed all of his children. These things none can argue.

"If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea; if thou art accused with all manner of false accusations (Far Left Queue), if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring...and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb; and if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son (and daughter), that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. D/C 122:5-7 Basically, to rip off John Lennon, the war is over, if you want it. Ha! Lennon must be mortified at the context I used his quote. Be of good cheer, the battle has been fought for us, the outcome is known.

Excerpts from Our Title of Liberty: Latter-Day Politics for Latter-Day Saints

2006-08-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

Author: Michael J. Snider

Beware of Attacks on Motives as Opposed to Actions

As we observe the political discourse of our day we need to hear both sides of every issue. American democracy is founded upon the concept of 'the loyal opposition.' Our history is sprinkled with great debates on the important issues of the day. Disagreement is to be expected, as it is perfectly reasonable that good and well-meaning people will disagree on any number of topics. However, it's vital that we are able to distinguish a reasoned argument from one designed to direct attention away from the specifics of the opposition's point of view by attacking the opponent.

Snider goes on to quote Reagan (bbhn): 'Any time you and I question the schemes of the do-gooders, we're donounced as being opposed to their humanitarian goals. It seems impossible to legitimately debate their solutions with the assumption that all of us share the desire to help the less fortunate.' Reagan, 1964.

And so it goes. Is it human nature to degrade those with other opinions than ones' own? It appears so. My opinion here is that the so-called do-gooders either have ulterior motives for their words or they don't have a foundation for their arguments except their low self-opinion. The U.S. Constitution allows the most freedoms for individuals in the world. However, I feel (my opinion, based on observation) the country is slowly slipping away from the intent of the Constitution. I agree with certain statements of certain 'do-gooders', in that the U.S. should stop meddling in other countries. Let us become more self-sufficient, let us build up our borders and take care of the house before we fix the neighborhood. In so doing, let's take away our foreign aid and funnel that in-house. Let's demolish the U.N. center in New York, call the whole experience a failure in a nobel experiment, and make it a National Center for Constitutional Studies. Let's create a third party, call it the Constitutionalists, and abolish incumbency in all Branches of government. Those are my answers. All people will be made happy. Excepting maybe the foreigners who will realize they are not so well off as they were before we readopted isolationism. This is my finger to the world.

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12

2ndLT. Patrick Henry

2006-07-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

It is official. I did my swearing-in yesterday evening after Church in my home with my wife taking pictures and my kids watching. I play racquetball with this retired Colonel and he did the honors along with SFC Lee. So, terrorists, watch out, or I'll start an IV on you if your virgin-maker misfires. Or assist in the transplant of your kidney or liver.

Here's a little song for you to identify. I don't agree with the artist's politics or moral standpoint, but this song captures everything I feel about today's political zoo.

We tried assassinations, it's the same
Demonstrations and violence, but it's still the same to me
Economic sanctions, it's the same
Tried dragging their names through mud, but it's still the same to me

Where the hell is the population?
All quiet for a generation
Whatever happened to the human race?
Can't you see the enemy here is you?

In the Tory, or the Labor camps, well it's the same
Republican or Democrat, but it's still the same to me
Go to Lenin or Marx, it doesn't matter
Starve the people while the rich get fatter
Can't you see they got us where they want us?
Can't you see the enemy here is you?

Name that tune, buffoon. It's kind of appropriate isn't it? It was written in the eighties, and kind of points out where we, the U.S., are right now.

The World's Coming To An End, Mal

2006-07-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

What movie is that line from? I see angels, Mickey...

So, this is the end of the world...Lance B'ass comes out with what I've been telling everyone for the past 10 years, Yates is found NOT GUILTY, Hugo Chavez is planning to purchase Russian Migs and start a Kalishnikov factory in Venezuela, and my Gamecube games are on the fritz...

Do you agree with Yates' verdict? I have mixed feelings. I want to believe she is really sick, but something inside me wants to cut her into little pieces (surprised?). Is Mr. Yates guilty of something? Wait...wasn't Charles Manson found guilty but didn't even commit the crime? Double standard, or sign of the times? One of my degrees is in culinary arts, and one of the classes required us to develop a restaurant from ground up. The name of my restaurant was Soylent Green and one of the entrees was called Manson Meatloaf with Sharon Taters. Get it?

Artificial Insemination

2006-07-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got the news...I've been accepted into the U.S. Army Reserves as an R.N., 2nd Lieutenant Patrick Henry. Yes! I'm so excited. My beautiful wife will post pictures of the swearing-in ceremony, and then I'll be in for real. I told a friend from church I was attempting to join and he said, "Uh, don't you know there's a war going on right now?" Yes, and what's the point? I've been aching for this moment since 9/12/01, and finally it has arrived. I won't tell my parents until I'm actually sworn in. Has anyone played Halo? I want to send the terrorists 'on their journey' as the Covenant put it. Hooah...In other news...
My wife and I are having another baby. Number 4, most likely a boy. Another little right-winger introduced to the world. People tell me, "You'll have your own baseball team in a while." I prefer to call it my own death-squad. The terrorists crave suicide, we crave homicide, and together we paint a complete picture. Yin and Yang...black and white...chocolate and rasberries...

Lost In A Forest

2006-07-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Many things to talk about.

First of all, I went on a date last night and saw the new Shyamalan (sp?) movie. Absolutely wonderful. It got bad reviews from the critics, but some people just don't get it. All of Shyamalan's movies are intense. They're like the Book of Mormon, you get something from it every time you see them. His movies are multi-layered, full of symbolism, and intensly spiritual. I can't talk for at least an hour after I see every one of his movies, I'm so moved.

Secondly, the news today said a judge ordered a sixteen y/o into chemo for treatment of his cancer. What? How can this be so? What right does a judge have to force someone into medical treatment? This sounds so ludicrous, so...big brother...so...communist? Ha! Gotcha! This leads to my final thought of the blog.

Here it is. My last entry dealt in trying to understand another perspective on the U.S.A. and our interactions with the world. I opened a can of worms, not that I don't like that. I overturned a log and all the liberal insects ran scurrying in search of more darkness to hide in. I was blog-slammed by a coward named any-mouse, Poocho, Lazytikia, and a new roach calling him- or herself Callous Communist. Where do these people come from? Something so clear as freedom for individuals to excel or stagnate according to their desires makes so much sense to me. Why bring in government to run our individual lives? Is that 16 y/o going to suffer now against his wishes? Is this what the liberal attitude is pushing for?

My Bitch...

2006-07-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

http://lazatikia.blogspot.com/

What? Here I am, the great white Satan, on my way to world domination, or at least domination of Mexico and all the beautiful brown-skins who are innocently raped and pillaged by my greedy pure ivory fingers in my unsatiable appetite for more, more, more...

I've read this blog and it is the same thing everyday. Yes, I could make the choice of not going to the aforementioned blog, but you know, it's sometimes comical. I respect other peoples' opinions, and I even try to see from their perspective. But, this blog represents a one-sidedness that is so obvious it is difficult to understand the ignorance of its author. So what happened with poor, down-trodden lazatikia? Here are my theories:

Lazatikia is on a mission to save the world by pointing out how the USA is enslaving the world and spreading its greed on a global scale; she's taken it upon herself to be the world's Paul Revere (Paula de Reverecia?). Her mission is just and noble.

Or more likely: Lazytikia has chosen a life of ease and free of ambition for worldly things, which is not a bad thing. Simplicity is wonderful. However, Lazytikia is human like everyone else and is prey to a universal human attribute: insecurity. Lazytikia, in living her Utopian life of have-not, is bent on convincing the world of the righteousness of her decision. In order to do so, she must first point out the detriments of the choices of others, such as capitalism and freedom. Lazytikia is not secure in her choice of lifestyle and thinks those with more materialistic things judge her for her lack of such things. In order to neutralize the nagging self-doubt, she turns her feelings against those with more. It's like in history when royalty looked down on the poor, but now the poor find it easier to denigrate the ones with money (or those they think have money) than work themselves out of their hole.

This has to be the answer. Lazytikia brings up interesting points on her blog, but she only destroys and tears down. She offers no solutions. Her cohorts are just the same. The Far Left Queue talk of the beauty of slaves, the ousting of rich doctors, the greed of America, free healthcare...stupid. Anyone with a brain looks at ALL sides and then suggests an answer. For the record, you have to question the beauty of slaves. Are they victims? Yes. But they do have a choice. Is death a bad thing? If it were me, I would choose death over slavery. You have to question the thought process of a society which would choose generations of torture and forced servitude rather than death. What is life to a slave?

La Raza Blanca

So, What's Going On Over There?

2006-07-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Shortly I will hear news on whether or not my paperwork was accepted at the Board for commissioning or not. If accepted, I will post pictures of my swearing-in into the U.S. Army with extreme haste and pleasure.

So, what's going on in Israel? This is how I see it. Ever since I can remember I've heard of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I was born in '72 so I remember quite alot. Now this happens. The headlines today read the U.S. gives Israel one week to take care of 'business' with Hezbollah in Lebanon. Is there something we don't know? How come we will not, for very wise purposes, give a deadline for pulling out of Iraq yet when Israel is faced with (in my opinion) something infinitely much more dire we, the U.S., take it upon ourselves to impose a deadline on them? I cannot piece together the logic here. I am very pro-Iraq and pro-Israel, but I'm having problems understanding the current headlines today.

Israel gave back Gaza, gave back the North, both of which they won fairly when invaded by most of the Middle East in 1967. This did nothing to stem the tide of violence against them. Didn't Jordan pull out the 'Palestinians' and promised to give them their land back once they destroyed Israel, but Jordan ended up losing in such a big way they couldn't keep their promise? Well, shame on Jordan for losing the war, buy the reality is, Israel is legally in the right. There is no Palestine. 'Palestine' is just another name for Islam to use to destroy Israel and the West. So why are the Lebanese protesting Israel for protecting itself? I hate seeing the pictures of the marches (can they only march? what is it with marching?) where they state Israel is the terrorist, Israel is the bully, and so on. If the Lebanese really had testicles and brains (they seem to lack both) they would kick out Hezbollah. Since they don't do anything against Hezbollah, then they are: 1. brainless, 2. testicle-less, or 3. they are in league as a society with Hezbollah. It appears by their inaction they are in league with Hezbollah.

There is no easy way out of this. If it were up to me, I would stay out of Israel and let them defend themselves. What right do we as a country which is defending itself limit another country from doing the same? I don't like this at all.

Answer to Susan

2006-07-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

Here is my concert list. Some were really good, some were not so hot, and some made me hate the band forevermore.

Alien Sex Fiend (2)
R.E.M.(1st concert)
The Cure (2)
Depeche Mode (David Gahan is an idiot, DM sucks, I hate DM, most boring show)
Nitzer Ebb (opened for Depeche Mode and kicked mule...probably why I hated DM)
Ministry (4...met my wife because of them...thanks Al...)
Primus (4 or 5?)
Melvins (sounded like one long song)
Nirvana (for $8 in Austin)
Dinosaur Jr. (2...once when I was in orbit...blew me away...)
Grandaddy (great!)
Alabama (Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo...went for a hot chick)
The Hunger (many times)
KMFDM
Brain Dead Sound Machine (stupid wax trax band)
NIN (2...once for $8 at Numbers)
The Polyphonic Spree (w/out a doubt one of the best shows I've ever seen)
Helio Sequence (rocked...gently)
Earlimart
Super Furry Animals
The Flaming Lips (2.5 times...see Beck)
Beck (w/ the Flaming Lips as the band)
Red Hot Chili Peppers (actually boring)
Porno For Pyros (another 'in orbit' moment)
Butthole Surfers (2) (wish I was in orbit at the time)
Rev. Horton Heat
STP
Basehead
Janes Addiction (2)
Skinny Puppy (2)
Siouxie and the Banshees (2)
Thrill Kill Kult (2)
Pearl Jam (not on purpose)
Soundgarden
Rage Against The Machine (2)(this is for all my chucos)(Zack is a brain dead moron)
Tool
Lush (had a severe crush on the singer)
Jesus and Mary Chain
Front 242 (3)
Sweet Lee Morrow
Smashing Pumpkins (3)
Steppenwolf/Foghat/Satriani/S. Vai/Eric Johnson (G3...after every song, the singer from Steppenwolf would say, "Kinda takes you back, doesn't it?")
Violent Femmes
24-7 Spyz
Henry Rollins Band
Beastie Boys
Breeders
Garbage
Arrested Development (not on purpose)(remember 'Mr. Wendall'?)
Social Distortion
Bouffant Jellyfish
Sugar Shack
Ice T (gave me a dirty look...don't call me whitey, nigga)
Ice Cube
Alice In Chains
Meat Beat Manifesto (3 or 4)
George Clinton and P-Funk (mutha-----)
Erasure (uh...)
Revco
The Mentors
L7
Stereolab
Firehose (2)

I just haven't seen Mercury Rev yet. The only band I want to see, except maybe for the Lips or the Spree, which I will never tire of seeing. Also, I wouldn't mind seeing Ween. Both Ween and the Lips are playing at the Austin City Limits, but there is that Sunday issue I don't care to violate plus Ween is way too vulgar. Their music is genius though. 'When the going gets tough from the get-go go man go oh no not another mother--- gonna go now'...that right, Dean? So right...

For You A Thousand Times Over

2006-06-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

Usually on Sundays after Church I take a nap. It is a good day to worry about nothing and just sleep. Beautiful sleep...However, 3 Mos talked of this book called the Kite Runner. It happened to be I had the book in my bedroom closet. I assumed it to be one my wife had picked up somewhere, but it turns out she doesn't know how we got it either. I started the book Saturday night before bed, and instead of sleeping, I spent Sunday reading the whole thing. What an amazing story. I cried so many times...How does one write like that? How does one make up a story like that? His new book comes out sometime this summer and I cannot wait to read it. Does anyone know the author's background?

What Am I Fighting For?

2006-06-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Man, I was so sick two Saturdays ago. I was puking, diarrhea-ing, dazed, empty, and vacant. So, I came to a decision, one which I've been mulling over the past few months. What exactly am I fighting when it comes to the Gospel and the Church? For the past 4-plus years I've been working and going to school, and I'm one (or used to be) for action in Gospel matters. I was always 100% in my home-teaching, I did my best in my extracurricular callings, and although I wasn't a hundred-percent on FHE or scripture reading, I felt comfortable somewhat in my efforts. Well, when I decided to go back to school, I knew the sacrifice I would make to do so, and now I'm on the other side of that decision. I think I've been missing dearly the opportunity to serve the Lord in those capacities. So, I decided to can all the angst, forget about it, and restart again with my Gospel efforts, since I've been so richly blessed undeservedly. I've decided to follow the commandments (scriptures, prayer, faith, repentance) without rationalizing inaction in those areas, and just LET IT BE. The rest will take care of itself. It's only been a week and a half, but already there is a peace which is not from this world, or not of my own mental-making; I'm not confident in the my own estimation of my standing before the Lord, but I'm getting there.

P.S. I'm still wickedly conservative in my views. Don't mistake my new (re)direction for tolerance of the stupid.

I Want To Be A Rancher

2006-06-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

1000 more Zarqawis=1000 more bombs!

I have something I must confess: I was a little saddened when I hear of Zarqawi's death. Here's why: Being the American enterprising capitalist Texan big-truck driving meat-eating heterosexual Christian that I am, I thought of a business idea solely for the pleasure of CEOs of major oil corporations. A big-game ranch! I'm sure you've heard of ranches in the U.S. that have exotic game such as ostrich, emu, water buffalo, lions, tigers, komodo dragons, endagered African antelope, etc. stocked so the average joe could spend a weekend hunting conveniently in the U.S. without having to travel the globe to acquire big game trophies and meat. That is what I want to do, but with a little twist.

First of all, I will buy a couple of acres in central Texas. I will then contract with the U.S. military to purchase terrorists caught in war and set them loose on my ranch. Then, to recoup my money used to purchase the terrorists, I will lease the ranch on weekends to Big Oil CEOs, Republicans, and basic white people to come hunt the terrorists! I will charge by the head, meaning I will charge more for big name terrorists than the average run-of-the-mill loser terrorists who we kill in large numbers everyday anyway. At night, to rile the sensitivites of the terrorists to make the hunt more interesting the next morning, I will broadcast Jewish preaching over loudspeakers the whole evening. I can't go wrong! I will be performing a (worldwide) public service by eradicating the terrorists, I will be making a profit, taxes will go down because less money will be needed by the military because I'm paying them, and the terrorists will die happily believing they are martyrs in their twisted fantasies. Everybody wins!

In case you are thinking of ripping my idea off, I have a patent on it, and I will sue, as it is the U.S. way to do!

How Are The Virgins, Abu?

2006-06-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

It is a wonderful day.

Hey I've Got Something To Say, I Killed Your Baby Today

2006-06-07T04:56:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of the Book Of Mormon, where the Lamanites were a scourge to the Nephites whenever the Nephites started to stray off course of their moral bearings. The Nephites became very prosperous in their times of relative peace and very rich, which led to periods of decadence. These decadent times would then be marked by war-mongering by the Lamanites, who would enslave or kill the Nephites until the Nephites would repent and turn back to the Lord. The parallel I'm drawing here is for the times I live in. Isn't the Book Of Mormon written for us and our times? I think it would be pretty safe to say we are in a period of decadence unmatched by any time in history. The United States fosters some of the most disgusting pornography in the world. We are forced to debate Constitutional Amendments on marriage. Laziness is fostered by our government. Our government leaders get away with murder, literally. The United States is not the only country guilty of this decadence; it seems to me to be a worldwide movement. However, the United States has the Constitution, a document allowing the most individual freedoms for anyone in the world we believe is inspired by God. So who is our scourge?

I think it is a multi-faceted answer, but one which stands out, and I believe this, is Islam. What a screwed-up religion. I had a hard time debating this with myself, trying to see the world from their point of view, reading history to see how much involvement the United States has in fostering their beliefs in murder, and I just don't get it. What really convinced me and made it clear was the ransacking of Paris last year and the WORLDWIDE MOVEMENT of violence and destruction after a...cartoon. Now look at Canada. Seventeen Canadian Muslims were busted with plans of the same old Islamic crap (including beheadings) before they were able to carry it out. I wonder when it will happen here in the U.S. again. As Christians, unless you're a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, we tend to empathize and turn the other cheek in order to allow both ourselves and the offenders space to grow better. Islam is not like that. The war we are in is religious in nature, and no amount of political maneuvering is going to make peace with Islam. Islam is slavery, and therefore naturally repugnant to all freedom-loving peoples. Maybe that is why there are so many suicide-homicide bombers in Islam. They know no better and rather choose the freedom death offers rather than live enslaved by their own religion.

I don't believe this war started in our times, or even mortal times. This war was fought in biblical times, Book Of Mormon times, and will be fought to some extent in the future. This is an extension of the war started before the Earth was created, except now there is the physicality of the flesh to deal with. Freedom versus slavery. So, there you go. My thought of the day. If I've offended anyone, good.

Great White She Devil, or the Metamorphosis of the Dragon Butterfly Gouging My Eyes With Perceived Vengeance

2006-05-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

The village was nestled quietly in the foothills of the snowy mountain range, and the people happily harvested their crops in hopes of storing food for the oncoming winter, which was already showing signs of being an extremely cold season. Children were laughing, men returning from hunts with plenty of deer, and the women happily washing clothes, dishes, and gossiping idly on their cell phones about...nothing. For many years this happy people lived in quiet and harmonious peace with a dragon in the heights just within sight of the village. However, every month this dragon would howl horribly and although the dragon never attacked the village, the men would get a little nervous and the women would, for a split second, put down their cell phones. Oh, how the air rang with the screeching fury of a beast enraged. The noise and evil clamor would last for a week or so, but nothing ever came of it. Until now...

As the kids were playing this brisk fall day, the sun was shining, the wind blowing, and a slight chill was in the air. Mary-Joe was wondering why the dragon wasn't howling because it's week was due. Mary-Joe told her friend, Beulah, "I was pretty sure it would start today, but maybe it's a little late." Beulah said, "I don't know, Mary-Joe, I've never knowed it to be late except for a couple of times and then I was in a panic, my husband got real moody, and...wait Mary-Joe, I'm losing reception, I'll call you back." Then hell on earth was unleashed...

The mountain lair erupted in a giant fireball and evil incarnate unfurled her wings and with an ear-splitting screeching roar; it seemed the very denizen of hell was unleashed upon the innocent, unsuspecting village. The dragon swooped down and landed smack down in the village square. Bob asked, "Uh, dragon, baby, how are you doing?" while trying to calm his shaking hands. "What do you mean how am I doing? What an extremely stupid ignorant selfish question!!!" replied the split-personality dragon as she scooped poor Bob in her gaping maw, ripped off his head, drank his blood from his neck-hole as if from a beer stein, and then gnawed on his head. The village was a mess. Life was going on as normal, everyone was happy, or so it seemed, and then this. The dragon was a little scary for the past thirteen years but this, no, this was completely unforseeable. As the villagers gathered their children, women and men cowered in fright, completely evacuating their bowels into their pants, the children either passing out or crying in agony as they realized their beloved compatriot Bob was no more. All of a sudden, the dragon started bawling. "I don't know what's going on with me. One minute I'm happy, then the next I want to kill the kids...Boo hoo hoo..." sobbed the dragon, shedding great dragon tears. Although the villagers felt scared and even a little indignant about the loss of Bob, they even felt pity on the poor beast. "Can I do something for you" asked the villagers? "What!?! Haven't you done enough?" What is it with you people?!?!?" The dragon completely flipped. Taking a deep breath with its massive red scaly neck, it unleashed such a torrential wave of flame that all of the village, people, livestock, and structures, were completely vaporized. Even the ground on which the village stood was heated to such a degree it was said in legend the ground was as 'a sea of glass'.

A week later, the dragon had a funny grin on its face and thought to herself, "Wow, I don't know what that was about. I feel completely back to normal."

I Swoon For I-Tunes

2006-05-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

Somehow, I don't know how, I found this song on I-tunes that sounds really familiar but really cool. It is a simple song, electronic, but the bass and sounds are entrancing. It's called Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx. Ever heard of it? Was it on a commercial or movie or something? Heather and I think it is very familiar, but we can't place it.

I figure it will be another month or two before I get my studio together, then on to world domination. Psychic Head Industries...Have you ever seen those disclaimers inside some bands' cds where they say snobbily "No computers whatsoever were used to make this music"? I want to tear down that machismo, that gayness...My cds will have the disclaimer "Computers were completely involved in the production of this music."

Where's Your (Psychic) Head At?

Redundantly Repetitious

2006-05-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Check out the cover of the National Examiner at a fine grocery store near you. The headlines read: Country Music: Who's Gay and Who's Not. ? I absolutely hate country music, and it takes a lot for me to say that. There is none other genre more uninspired than today's country music (I like old Willie Nelson and Marty Robbins). Another thing, why is it a big deal if a country music poser is gay? Aren't they all? C'mon, admit it, you know it's true. Faith Hill is a man! You can't plead ignorance with that one. Remember the skit of (Friends in low places-singer-what's his name?) on Saturday Night Live when he falls for Mango? Didn't it seem a little natural for him in that role? Coincidence, or not? Look at the Ditsy Hicks: Men in drag. You know it! Stop lying to yourself. Check out the old costumes of George Jones and Buck Owens from the 60s and 70s. And you think Marilyn Manson was a freak? I got the new issue somehow of Time in the mail. The ditsy hicks are on the cover. I wonder if they are capable of being embarrassed to see themselves whoring and begging in a news magazine for people to buy their new album. Silly little men...

It's Such A Pit(t)y...

2006-05-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

I figured it out; why we are getting bombed and crucified around the world and here in the states. Brad and Angelina and similar nutjobs being raised as deity in U.S. and European culture. I work in a really cool hospital in downtown Houston and in the breakroom people leave their old magazines for others to read. Someone has a subscription to People magazine and they brought in a recent issue of "The World's 100 Most Beautiful People" and guess who was on the cover? A. Jolie. I was looking through it and there was A. Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, I think I remember Jane Fonda...? Most of the people in here are notorious for their failed relationships and personal crises yet they are still paraded as 'Most Beautiful'. What the heck? Here is a portion of an article I ripped out of another People magazine at work; I think the issue is December 19, 2005: "Angelina wanted to do it right. This is a woman who values her relationships with her children more than anything. Now she is creating a family in the context of an adult relationship." Wait; wasn't B.P. married when Ange. Jol. hooked up with him...? Where is 'doing it right' in that context? Continuing: "Pitt told GQ that he...embraced 'the responsibility of putting your life second, and your job is to show this little one around the world.'" Who is putting their lives second here? Photo after photo of this couple with their cause and their adopted children assault you everywhere, in the grocery store, on TV, billboards, there is no escape...It seems as if they have their own personal pr photographer with them at all times. Am I the only one seeing this as false, or if not false, screwed up? I think People's and like-magazines' sales are outstanding, so thousands and thousands of people read this, and not only here but in other countries...

Which leads me to this point: I don't think our foreign policy is to blame for our being bombed and hated. I think a majority of the issue is the U.S. is the most successful country in the context of personal freedoms and the opportunity for anyone to thrive in life in the world, and of course all of the little countries are jealous. Class-warfare but on a global level. Hating the rich because you're not rich. Class-envy would probably be a better term. But imagine living in a country and all you see of America is the media: People's 100 Most Beautiful People, the constant mind-rape of Brad and Angelina, Jennifer Lopez, don't get me started on Jane Fonda, the Kennedys, COPS (tv show), CSIs, Comedy Central, and so on, and you recognize all of this as filth and see the U.S. as nothing but a sex-drenched, debauched, murderous country where the whole citizenry has lost their moral compass and you don't want your kids to be like that. That's why I hate learning about the personal lives of musicians: when you hear their music, you automatically think of their lives. That's how it is for me, anyway.

A story of a boy and his...cat

2006-05-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is Goobers. And my cat Snowball, he loves to hog up the chairs and couch. He is my best friend.

Testing...

2006-05-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is Mrs. Henry. My dream has come true...we are proud owners of a digital camera! This was a test to make sure we could save and load photos. The handsome young lad is Matthew, our 4 year-old. The wounds on the left side of his face were accidently self-inflicted during a biking mishap. The scratches on the right side were courtesy of his brother Jacob (happened on Mother's Day during an impromptu wrestling match...boys are SO much fun). We hope to share more photos as the days go by...

Mad Crackas

2006-05-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone is a victim. Victim culture. I like to be a victim. There's profit in being a victim. It's not my fault, I'm a victim.

It's The Little Things Making Life Bearable

2006-05-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

Dutch love.

A View To A Shrill

2006-05-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

This is not a serious post. Allow me a brief moment of levity...Levity's brevity...I went to the gym today because I can, and walked into the place and it was weird. I go to QLS in Kingwood, and lately it has become a status symbol to have a membership there. I walked in and I heard the aerobics instructor yelling over the loudspeaker to this really gay club music, and the lights were this neon pink and purple with the overhead lights dimmed, with mirrors on the walls reflecting endlessly...There is this clique (sp?) there I call the Naked Leatherettes. It's about a 5-person group of ladies walking around in workout clothes barely covering the essentials and they tan (QLS has there own tanning salon) constantly. They look to be about 40-50, and they are the size of skeletons with abs like Schwartznegger in his prime. They intimidate me...I walk past them and I look down to the floor because I don't want them to think I'm checking them out. But, they roam the gym in a little pack. Anyways, the scene was assailing my psyche...I wear Heather's IPOD when I work out to drown out the background noise and delve into the music. I started out on the stationary bike. Each bike has a little plasma monitor to watch tv and the bike I chose was showing The View. Have any of you seen this show? It is 4 ladies who look like I should know who they are, but I can't place their names. They blab forever about nothing...kind of like what I'd imagine Enrichment meeting to be like...don't get mad at me, I'm just calling it out! Anyways, they had Jewel on.

Jewel? Now, remember I had on my IPOD so I was watching Jewel perform without any sound. They showed her backup band playing, and it was a bunch of guys who looked so hip with their carefully messed-up hair, raggedy jeans, and goatees playing their instruments so passionately, swaying as they rocked their bass, geetars, and drums. So, I plugged in the earphones to see what was the emotion about and the song was horrible. Have you heard Jewel? She sounded like Alvin from the Chipmunks. Dead serious. Who are these hip guys playing for her? Do they feel her lyrics? The music was non-descript, the lyrics were standard 'I love you/hate you' bull-shitniz, and Jewel was Alvin...What was going on? I started laughing so hard and plugged in My Bloody Valentine. Google them. They make me want to go on. My Bloody Valentine-my anti Jewel.