Monday, September 25, 2006

Asystole

My mood has flat-lined. DNR. Morphine drip...Comfort measures only...

I am not feeling anything. I feel no light, I feel no dark. My feelings are flat. Not apathetic, just nothing. The weather is beautiful in Houston today. I rode my bike home and the hum of the motor, the feel of the slightly cool wind, and the humidity-less atmosphere was great.

One of my friends here looks up other peoples' houses on tax records to estimate how much they make. My siblings are heroin addicts. My wife is beautiful and gestating nicely. And I'm getting old.

I read the BOM everyday (almost) but don't go to Church. I pray, I sin, I feel guilt, I eke my salvation. Minimal devotion. Great faith, limited works...

I look at my front yard in the suburbs of Kingwood and think to myself somewhere to the South of me is a girl hating herself and displacing it on Americans by comparing her humble, honest living to the decadent lifestyles of the imperialists gringos. Ah, the righteousness of the noble poor...

Ramble on...

3 Comments:

Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

I'm sorry you're still in the dumps. I'm glad your wife is gestating nicely. I'm happy for her--when I was pregnant both times I was hypomanic--I felt supergood emotionally-I was invincible, and I had the wildest dreams-I'd look forward to going to sleep each night because it was going to be highly entertaining.
What can I do for you? Anything at all? I'll send mood-lifting vibes your way. Shazzy wanted to know if you ever got a new machine...Sending you psychic wellbutrin....:)

9:03 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

Patrick...You okay? I hope you're just in a blogging pause, and nothing more problematic than that.

7:34 AM  
Blogger annegb said...

I say I'm going to be the member of the church who disproves that theory of reading the Book of Mormon every day and you will be spiritual. I'm in 3rd Nephi, reading the BoM for the second time in a year, and I'm not sure I feel more spiritual.

It is a battle for me to live each day, to accomplish something, to find peace and happiness. Well, it's a losing battle, at times, too.

God bless.

9:09 PM  

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