Synthetic Hormones
Man. I was in Church today and picking apart everybody who stood up to bear their testimonies. The dutiful daughter, the man who bore his testimony of the preceeding testimony-bearers, the sobber, the bawler, the self-declarer, and so on. I knew I was being critical, but it seemed impossible not to. I left sacrament and took my 4-year-old to the bathroom (he had to "poo really bad") and just stood in the stall for a while. I left Church and took a nap in a park nearby until Church let out and then I picked up the family. I'm thinking of telling the Elder's q.p. I'm not home-teaching anymore for a while, I'm very sick, and I'm freaking out (all true). Anyways...
I got a micro-Korg. What I really want is a Minimoog but they cost about $3500, and I have other priorities, monetarily speaking, such as feeding children that I could put $3500 to. So, until that moment comes, I bought a microkorg synth and it is cool. It has a bunch of presets but you can tweak the sound on each one so the possibilites are limitless. I developed a sound, told Heather what keys to press, and took turns playing guitar and drums while she played it. Shazamm! It is good. The sounds I can get put me into such a strange mood, each mood different according to the sound. I want an Apple, MOTU, Reason, Ableton Live, and some mics and I'll be set. The stuff I was playing sounded a little like Meat Beat Manifesto and old Kraftwerk combined. Trippy, ambient, playful, strange...yummy...
I got a micro-Korg. What I really want is a Minimoog but they cost about $3500, and I have other priorities, monetarily speaking, such as feeding children that I could put $3500 to. So, until that moment comes, I bought a microkorg synth and it is cool. It has a bunch of presets but you can tweak the sound on each one so the possibilites are limitless. I developed a sound, told Heather what keys to press, and took turns playing guitar and drums while she played it. Shazamm! It is good. The sounds I can get put me into such a strange mood, each mood different according to the sound. I want an Apple, MOTU, Reason, Ableton Live, and some mics and I'll be set. The stuff I was playing sounded a little like Meat Beat Manifesto and old Kraftwerk combined. Trippy, ambient, playful, strange...yummy...
posted by White Man Retarded at 6:47 PM
8 Comments:
I got up to bear my testimony in RS today, because I wanted to share my happiness at Sarah's sealing, and to say that I felt the spirit in the temple.
Then I started thanking my friends for sticking by me and ended up sobbing helplessly and shaking. Wo, I think my alternate personality came out, because I never cry in public.
You would have definitely walked out on my testimony :).
We had fast sunday before conference. I'm always so confused...
You know, I had that same sort of snarky start to Sacrament meeting, so I gave myself a mental slap, and tried to get it together. I think finally came down to coming late (because Shazzy was still out of town and I have a harder time getting to church on time without his help), so we were sitting in the very last row of pews. I had too many distractions, I guess. I had too many people to look at, and I was already in a crabby mood b/c I was late, so they caught my mental wrath.
Sorry you're still feeling so low. Get in that studio and give yourself some musical therapy :) Hang tough...Shazzy says congrats on your purchase, and he's going to look into that Benny allegation--he's so mortified I'm making fun of him on the web. :)
Just saw your post on annegb's. You know there are good drugs out there beside Lithium, right? Really, what is the worst that could happen? It's not going to make you feel any more depressed.
On the up-side, well, just imagine the possibilities.
It has been so long since I have been to a Fast and Testimony Meeting. I participate on a forum and one of my friends who I have become quite close to bore her testimony on a thread that was for testimonies and I found myself getting a little teary eyed. I seldom cry in regards to bearing a testimony or hearing a testimony.
Patrick, you take care of yourself. And you can still belong to the club if you shake this depression. We won't think an less of you if you become normal. :)
Seriously, I barely know you and all but I want you to know that I do care. Annegb has been a good friend of mine from before she started posting on her blog so that is what brought me there. But I am glad to meet you and Elizabeth and others too!
God be with you, brother.
The thing is, do I want to shake the depression? I don't know. There's certain parts of my personality I like that I think (?) are influenced by depression. I don't know. And I think that line of thinking is part of the symptomology of the disease process...I don't know. I figure it's only 6 months out of the year, I function, I have an excuse (!), hahahhaha...but thanks for the invite to your club.
I would have to say, "I've been depressed and I've been happy, and happy is better."
I understand the aspects of personality thing. You do need to keep things in check though with depression so it does not spiral out of control. A lot of times you can treat depression with exercise such as walking.
I think that I have often used depression or ocd as a buffer and an excuse. However, I did have a period free of both and I was more productive and able to achieve things without being nearly so fanatical.
Peace!
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