Tuesday, June 13, 2006

What Am I Fighting For?

Ugh. Man, I was so sick two Saturdays ago. I was puking, diarrhea-ing, dazed, empty, and vacant. So, I came to a decision, one which I've been mulling over the past few months. What exactly am I fighting when it comes to the Gospel and the Church? For the past 4-plus years I've been working and going to school, and I'm one (or used to be) for action in Gospel matters. I was always 100% in my home-teaching, I did my best in my extracurricular callings, and although I wasn't a hundred-percent on FHE or scripture reading, I felt comfortable somewhat in my efforts. Well, when I decided to go back to school, I knew the sacrifice I would make to do so, and now I'm on the other side of that decision. I think I've been missing dearly the opportunity to serve the Lord in those capacities. So, I decided to can all the angst, forget about it, and restart again with my Gospel efforts, since I've been so richly blessed undeservedly. I've decided to follow the commandments (scriptures, prayer, faith, repentance) without rationalizing inaction in those areas, and just LET IT BE. The rest will take care of itself. It's only been a week and a half, but already there is a peace which is not from this world, or not of my own mental-making; I'm not confident in the my own estimation of my standing before the Lord, but I'm getting there.

P.S. I'm still wickedly conservative in my views. Don't mistake my new (re)direction for tolerance of the stupid.


Blogger Lianne said...

I think Mormons are so good at the shame, guilt, and lowliness, that we forget that Christ has already paid the price. Repentance isn't beating ourselves up for months and years, but it is making a new choice, a new beginning. Yes, Let IT BE, and get on with your life.

It is always about making a new choice... discovering what works and what doesn't, and changing.

3:05 PM  
Blogger annegb said...

Yup, I'm with you. I'm not even having a calling as soon as I get released. I'm being myself. And I'm going to heaven. The heaven I like, a good heaven, with massages and hot tubs and books. Not the other heaven.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

D & C 101:16 copies the phrase from Psalms which says Be still and know that I am God. For me, it's very comforting because many times my mind isn't still.
Like you, I find myself having to re-commit, over and over again.

12:31 PM  
Blogger annegb said...

I have to tell you, too, I started reading the Book of Mormon again. I read a chapter, at least, every day. I make myself read every word.

And life is going better. I don't know, it feels like a rabbit's foot, but whatever works, I guess.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

Hey Patrick-Are you hanging in there? I just looked at the Weather Channel and it looks as if things are calming down a bit? Hope you're doing ok.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Cool website and I was linked to it from my pain group.

Are you assigned in the miltary to a combat or combat support.

I was in for 26 years, reserve and active duty.

Were you a direct commision ? Well I was snooping around and read your posts.

Be careful of posting to myspace.com and speaking to others some of the subjects that someone more conservitive would like to report you.

Just some advice. I remember my butter bar rank. You will love it when you become captain and get the better paycheck and people don't tease you being a LT.

Well, good wishes to you, hope you are OK and I enjoyed your comments.

Major J retired

11:16 PM  

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