Monday, February 19, 2007

Just Say No...

I have decided after a few years of pondering I will not be taking any depression meds. However, that may change any moment since I think I might have ADD...now what were we talking about?

I have two new goals: to pray more, and to stop swearing. Praying needs no expounding. However, back to swearing. I think I will learn more self-control if I am able to stop swearing. Swearing feels so good at the right moment, though! I'm not doing this to be a good "Mormon" (Heaven forbid!) but to draw closer to my Father. Maybe it's not the swearing that drives the Spirit away but the evident lack or choice of self-control...? I will express my anger in more constructive forms, such as in my fists...

Back to meds...I've been having a lot of Spiritual experiences lately and it is not without costs...In reviewing my life I feel Father has been trying to teach me something. I entered something of which I have no terms for about 7 years ago, and I will never be the same again. It is not something good nor bad; it can't be defined by those parameters, but there is a loss of innocence which I've experienced. Again, not in terms of good or bad. I think very strongly I've been Kubler-Ross'ing subconciously for the past few years. Anyways, I say 7 years because that is about how long I can remember clearly. I'm getting feeble...Therefore, I think the experiences I have in my mood fluctuations are part of the package, so to speak. Why would I want to take away from that? I haven't experienced medicated-induced non-depression, but I fear I might miss on what the Lord, or Father, is trying to teach me. Does this make sense?

I might be taking Taiko lessons after May. It all depends. Heather and I saw the Kodo drummers Saturday and again it set me off thinking about culture. What is American culture? I know why I am so driven in defending the Constitution, but what choices have we, as Americans, made with our precious freedom? I saw Heroes about 3 years or so ago. Again, my memory is feeble. Actually, I've heard of the Kodo drummers before Heroes but I heard them for the first time in the movie. The drumming is so powerful...Anyways (ADD attack) I was impressed with the costumes and traditions portrayed in Heroes and it got me thinking of culture and Americans'...lack of...in my opinion. Am I fair in saying that? Am I missing something in our society that states, "This is American culture"? Heroes is a 'historical fiction' movie. I'm sure there is embellishment by the producer and director, but then also, there are supernatural elements in the movie! Rent it today! Some people don't get it, but I truly count it as one of those movies that impacted me. But then again, so did Star Wars...

So, what is American culture? Certainly not Anna Nicole Smith, Brittany Spears, Tool, L.A., New York, People magazine, country music...or is it? Oh, I know it is the end times because the headlines of Drudge Report was all about the state of B. Spears' hair...

2 Comments:

Anonymous Barb said...

Patrick, you have same great goals. I am not sure how often ADD has depression as a component. It is only been in recent years that adult attention deficent disorder has been recognized as my understanding goes.

Keep on keeping on!

4:56 PM  
Blogger annegb said...

Patrick, consider Cymbalta. Although you sound like you have some manic episodes, as do I, they don't seem to overtake you as in classic bi-polar. Cymbalta has helped me so much.

My kids have ADHD and they do get depressed, but it's more out of frustration and the difficulties they encounter in dealing with others as a result of their problem. They are such wonderful people, it breaks my heart.

7:04 PM  

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