Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I wish I could be within reaching distance of Kerry right now. I would happily trade my freedom to get one square punch in his elitist snobbist face and make him bleed. I would make him suffer.


Anonymous Barb said...

I remembered hearing an interview with Teresa Heinz Kerry during Kerry's Presidential bid in which she said that she told Kerry not to tell jokes as they do not really come out right with his personality. Whether or not it was a botched joke, is debatable. I do not think he handled the aftermawth well. I do think his apology to the troops was nicely worded. His name calling of the people on the right is exactly what we need to get away from in politics. Although Kerry is dry, I like to think that he is sincere in his convinctions. But I really don't trust any politician. I don't trust a lot of people for that matter. I guess that I take a content analysis of blogs and decide if a person is trustworthy. You are so honest with your problems and even the fact that you have been self-medicating that I trust you. I trust Annegb as well. I trust my friend Sara(Sarebear) of piebolar and also Téa who has a blog. There are more that I could list, but I am sure you get the idea. I mainly have trouble trusting people in authority. I hate talking to people in authority. Because, a. I am so against being a brown noser. I don't want to feel beholden to anybody. b. because they do have power over me and could make my life difficult. At work, my supervisors are nice, but they are contrained by the rules of my company, which like most companies has its share of pointless rules that are higly illogical or confining in some way. I am not saying that they do not try to have a climate of respect. They do a lot of positive reinforcement. I am getting way off subject here. Oh no, does that mean I am manic? Well, I feel pretty subdued at any rate so I think I am okay. And if I don't feel like talking to anyone as moving my mouth would take to much energy at the moment. I just like to let my mind jump from one topic to the next and see where it will end up. It's hopefully all good.

Patrick, I hope that I have let you know that I count you as a friend. Of course, I mean that in the appropriate sense of the word being as you are married and all. Plus, you do not have my email and I do not have yours so everything is on the up and up. I hope this is not embarassing you. Just trying to support a friend going through a tough time like at a 12 step meeting.

Which has just reminded me, on my mission, I met a lot of people in the Narcotics Anonymous program. They were some of the neatest people I have ever met. All of them were very spiritul. I think I went to an annniversary of somebody being clean for three years.

Well, I am pretty transparent. I accept you. I understand that you lean on drinking from time to time and maybe that is what you feel you need at the time. Who am I to say other wise. I won't tell you what I did recently that was somewhat self-destructive but not really because it didn't draw out much of my blood. I was rather disappointed. In a matter of a few days, it has healed well. I wans't trying to kill myself or anything like that. Just a little frustrated and very stupid. I was crying like a baby afterwards and my mom was really mad at me when I told her. I really don't fit the profile of those that do this type of thing usually as I have healthy outlets such as poetry and friends. I have had the urge to do it before such as when people show up on my porch that I tell not to come here and that is a problem with me due to my ocd. I sort of did something like this once years ago because I could not understand logorithms while I was carrying an A for the rest of the coursework in the Alegbra course required for College. But that was just scratching. Also, there was a suicide gesture years ago where I was not really trying to kill myself so much as escape. I never go very deep and really don't like pain. I like marks on my body though. I was pinching myself a lot of late and was quite satisfied with the bruising. I would do that to try to stop ocd compulsive thoughts and I think it helped some. At any rate, my recent experience was not very satisfying and I don't think I will be doing it again.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Barb said...

Patrick, I was wanting to show that I do not judge you by being so open. However, that was just a little too open if you know what I mean. If you could delete my comments, it would probably be for the best. I also want to make it clear that I would hope that you would cope in a more healthy way. At the same time, I think you are cool regardless. I am sorry if I am a bad example. Well, do what you think best as it is your blog.

9:43 AM  
Blogger White Man Retarded said...

Sorry, Barb, I don't know how to delete your comments. Why would I think less or anything funky of you? You pinch your skin, I pinch my liver...

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Barb said...

I made a very long comment, but it did not seem to post. Please tell me if you see it though. The last comment I see is where you said that it is okay for me to be funky and pinch myself and all.

I have kind of stopped that most of the time by the way. It only kind of stopped certain types of compulsions. If it would allow me to lead a normal life, I would pinch away.

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Barb said...

By the way, I am glad that those comments did not post. I got very carried away on matters personal to me.

2:05 PM  
Blogger White Man Retarded said...

Barb, if you like, my email is vibrantdeath@hotmail.com so no one else would read whatever you send. If it matters.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Barb said...

Patrick, that means so much to me that you would provide your email. First, I do not think I am in any sort of state of crises. Most of the times things are pretty good. I see that you have a lot to deal with right now. I am so grateful that someone who is going through all you are would care enough to provide your email. Usually I scare people away lol. I will not need to email you. I do regularly email annegb. My most pressing concern right now is getting rid of whatever this lingering respiratory problem is that came on earlier this week. But I've had it before so I should be okay.

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