Saturday, December 16, 2006


Lonely Saturn Destination. I stopped drinking, again. It's weird; one day I'm tragic, burned out, mentally ill, then the next I'm back to my 'good' Mormon self like I never even tripped up. Strange...but I still feel minor waves of black every now and then. It's like an earthquake with all the little aftershocks. So now I'm back to feeling like I'm normal and it's all in my head and I had a moment of weakness as opposed to something darker and I don't really need 'help'...

I went to a friend's house, whom I also home-teach, and they sang Christmas carols and had good food to eat and then afterwards we watched the 1st Presidency message. What a night! It was good and strange to see there are actually families like that. I felt like I was on the outside looking in...surreal.

My battery died and a complete stranger gave me a ride home way out of his way, and it made him late for work.

There are people with good hearts; it's strange...

I was thinking of the power struggles going on around the world, and I wonder if maybe I should let those struggles go on without worrying about it...? Thinking of that, I then thought about suicide bombers and maybe understood their reasoning about this is not their world so why not kill themselves and others, and I wonder if maybe I was actually thinking of being a holy apathy-bomber...? I would make 'good' choices but let the world sink in it's own defecation (I'm trying not to cuss but it's so fucking hard...hahahaha) because of the call of 'being in the world but not of it' or something like that.

Another struggle on the Mormon front: I read a good book called "My Sister's Keeper" which was going to be a reading group book for some of the sisters in my ward here in Kingwood but someone shot it down because of the 'f-word'. So, here is the question, and I could care less either way: the story is powerful. I felt no influence to cuss, fart, or murder after reading it. I think personally the story made a lot of good points, esp. since I work in the med. field. Would it be inappropriate to read it because of the language? I guess you have to read it to have any kind of opinion...Oh yeah, why doesn't the Elder's quorum have a monthly reading club? And would any of you online strangers be interested in starting a blogging reading club?

I'm thinking of Chloe for a name...


Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

I love Chloe!
I don't know why men don't have reading groups. A few months ago I did a post about worrying about book ratings for Mormons. I gave my group less credit than they deserved. They were of the opinion that "we're adults...if the book has overall redeeming value we'll be okay", (and the book I had chosen had one teenage boy raping a little boy).
I might be up for an online group, but only if some of the books the online group pics might be a few I'm doing for my "live" group--just so I can dovetail a bit of the reading.
Patrick, for all you know, that family beats each other up after you leave (a la Blue Velvet). Every family is nutty in their own way.
I think your point about suicide bombers is valid-if you truly believe that perspective, then it doesn't seem immoral. Have you seen Syriana? They deal with suicide bombing in it. ('m full of R rated movie references today-another reason I'm not temple-ready yet ;) )
Why not just experiment with getting on some meds? Try it for 3 or 4 months, and if you feel worse, then the worst you're out is three months, a drop in the bucket of your whole life, and then you can go back to your regular pattern.

10:42 AM  
Blogger mullet said...

don't have chloe.....sorry, over here it's common.

1:45 PM  
Blogger mullet said...

whats wrong with the f word? why do people get in a tizzy over it? so much shit going...who gives a fuck about the word fuck?

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Barb said...

Thank you for the update! Chloe is a pretty name.

I read a great book that my sister-in-law gave me and I think it was written by a minister with the main character as a minister. There was a minor amoung of cussing, which I did not like. Yet, it was one of the most powerful books I ever read.

There are books that were required reading for Novel in high school and Drama that were so sick that I think I would be better without them. This includes "Of Mice and Men."--too much taking Lord's name in vain and I hate the ending.

Ehtan Frome-hate the ending and probably the book in general

Tender is the Night-don't like the subject matter.

There is an online reading group at Nauvoo Forum, but they haven't had any new books or posts for a long time.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Glo said...

Give us a proposal - most of us are game. That's what blogging is all about.

P.S. Give it to Christ and move forward. it's not about being a "good" Mormon as we all discover. It's about partnering with Christ to let him make of us what we ought always have been.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

I remembered the name of the book I was referring to above: The Kite Runner--remember that?
Glo's right--always has good advice.
My mom is reading Reading 'Lolita' in Tehran. Wanna do that one? Or has everyone already read that?
I was over at my folks' for FHE tonight and I told my dad about your comment about men not having book clubs. He thought that was pretty funny, and true. My six year old piped in with that boys don't read so well. I countered with the fact that both Daddy and Papa love to read, and she said, Well, maybe just first grade boys don't read so well :) See what you have to look forward to?

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Barb said...

I want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas!

6:33 AM  
Blogger elasticwaistbandlady said...

I like Chloe because its a "classic" name. If I had a baby girl today I would probably want to name her Louisa, Elana, or Amelia. I also think that Leah is a gorgeous name and I like Annora/Nora/Norah but it clashes with our last name.

12:31 PM  

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