Saturday, November 18, 2006

Shrink Wrapped

I am thinking of seeing a head-doctor but have reservations about it. There's no pride issue in doing so, with me. I don't think less of myself for it. But the reservations I have are these:

1. Whatever 'help' I receive will alter my perceptions and thinking...?
2. Should I see an LDS shrink (counselor, etc.) or does it matter?
3. Will this affect my ability to provide for the family, as in the Army or career?
4. Wasn't Andrea Yates a depressed nurse?
5. I won't have an excuse.

I saw an episode of King of the Hill where Bobby starts taking an antidepressant and became a zombie. I know it's a cartoon but it reflects a fear of mine. Does antidepressants make a reality a non-reality? For example, maybe I'm not really depressed but overwhelmed by all the crap in the world. If I take antidepressants will it mask all that crap (which I feel is real) go away? Will it mask the crap? Crap-mask? Will I start liking country music??? Will I be making casseroles and scrap-booking? Maybe what I'm really afraid of is being emotionally neutered. Hah! Freud that! J. Lydon would be proud!

9 Comments:

Anonymous Barb said...

I think you should see either an LDS therapist or an LDS friendly therapist. I think one of the main ways that therapy changes people's thinking is to help them see that there are solutions to problems. When I was on meds, it did make me like a zombie. I think I have heard that there are meds that do not have that effect. I believe Welliburton is good in that regards. Different drugs may react differently with different people. Are you in the military now? If so, you need to check on what they require.

Andrea Yates was a woman who from what I read was probably bipolar from before she met her husband. Child birth would cause postpartum depression, which became progressively worse after additional children. They were strongly counseled against having additional children due to her medical condition. She went ahead against advice. She had a psychotic break. I am not aware that she was on meds at the time of the tragic act. I think that she may not have been taking them as prescribed because those who originally treated her described her as one of the sickest people he or she had ever seen. I believe that it was after putting her on meds that they were able to have conversation with her not being distracted by all the medications in her head.

My friend who was on meds for five years said it gave him energy to work through his traumatic pass so it must not make everyone into zombies. Come to think of it, I was on extremely high doses and also multiple medications as a time.

I went to school with a lady who was studying philosophy and communication. One of the neatest people you can ever meet. I was surprised to learn she was on anti-depressents. She said that not all meds worked on her, which to her showed that it was a chemical imbalance as there were meds that worked.

I have to go back and read what was said about the casseroles and scrapbooking that I see in the side of my eye as I must have missed that.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Barb said...

Hmmm. Anti-depressants and a sudden urge to scrapbook or make casseroles and a n affinity to country music.... I have never heard of any link. :) You still can feel the gamut of emotions when you are on anti-depressants but it helps you not to have chronic sadness. For some people, when they become so depressed that they do not experience any pleasure and also are completely self-absorbed. That does not seem to be the case with you. There are different levels of depression. For people whose depression is not severe, an excercise regimen can have the equivalent effect on mood as take anti-depressants in many cases. Of course, you are probably on your feet and walking all day in your profession so I do not know if that would work for you. Anti-Depressants will not make you think the world is rose colored. Depression is the ultered-realtity, brother!

11:47 AM  
Blogger mullet said...

Anti-depressants only lift your mood. I agree with barb, they take the edge off that overwhelming sadness.

12:47 PM  
Blogger mullet said...

Anti-depressants only lift your mood. I agree with barb, they take the edge off that overwhelming sadness.

12:47 PM  
Blogger White Man Retarded said...

It's weird, there is a palpable darkness I can see and feel. It doesn't change my view or opinion on matters...I know when it is there but when the mood passes that's when the damage is felt. I hate everything and everyone. Bloggers, I don't mean you, I don't know you. I start to think everyone is coming from an angle of self-aggrandizement, wanting to boost their egos, wanting to satisfy some felt or unfelt need, or as Kinky Friedman said, to "...pump up your testicles..." He was my tops for governor of Tejas, btw. Cynicism becomes my prism of seeing things...Yes, I'm in the military. I'm in the reserves as an R.N. I'm not in any fighting unit, I serve the 'damaged', be it 'enemy' (notice the quotation marks) or friend. My job doesn't require sanity, just my reputation as an officer in the military. Which I agree with. You see, sometimes I feel my sanity is a matter of choice. Ugh. I can't explain it. I love my wife, I love my children, I provide a good life for them, I'm faithful, and fuck the rest. Amen. and three hail marys!!!

4:06 PM  
Blogger White Man Retarded said...

P.S. I'm not a homophobe Baptist homosexual meth-snorting televangelist young-boy loving Catholic ex-Mormon polygamist. Did I cover them all? Meat-eating reborn Buddhist?

4:08 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-W said...

You want to expand on #5? I'm thinkin' whatever that is, is the crux of the matter.

9:31 AM  
Blogger mullet said...

seeing a 'head shrink' will alter your perceptions(unlike antidepressants), you are quite right to have reservations about this....to me, this says you probably have quite a strong character. What is it thats bugging you? you sound pretty switched on to me...like you said - you love your wife and your family...the rest is probably just going through the motions......it's not a great place - this world....you and your family is all you can do. you sound devoted.....how much better can it get?

4:00 PM  
Anonymous acenhole said...

I've been told by my head doc that I have skizofrena(sry cnt spell) and was advised to think back when I was younger and see if I felt the same as I do now, the answer was no. As a kid i had very little to worry about and as i got older life came at me and nobody explained to me that in life we perceive a world just as it was when we were young. And as we got older it wasn't our perception that was distorted but our understanding of life. Many mental problems are man/sintheic made because of all the shit we do think and say in this world, as a mentally sound child I never thought I would be a person that hears voices in my head. And now not only do I hear voices but I can see a face or a room or a spaceship or even the understanding of where that voice/understanding comes from. And the voices I hear are stupid,uneducated,ignorant,selfrightious,dummies. But that isn't to say I dnt have voices that tell me deep dark secrets about life,people,god,or even the simple things that if I say to someone would crush them. So that said determine what is causing your pain if its real match it to who u were as a child, god, and things u know for real,second remember what u did as a kid that made u feel king of the world,third if it is real talk to a therapist,if not real then do what I did and try to find out what,who,why,when,and how this stress isn't real and tell yourself if u want to take medicine try a small dose I dnt take mine because it was made for people whose brain had Spaced Rangered Out naturally. My S.R.O. Was caused by something/someone that thought if it was done to me f this kid I'm jealous of him and want to use him as a Ginny pig. Little was known about me or the fact that while in the military I saw how the world really worked, and I wanted nothing to do with it just wanted to defend and secure national security and was told no. So if u think I'm crazy then ask yourself one little question do u think its better to bury toxic waste in the ground or launch it into space and pick one of our other planets and dump it there and call it earth's garbage dump. Even though I'm crazy dsnt mean I'm stupid. But most of the voices I hear are.

12:50 AM  

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