The Ever Trendy Self-Imposing Political Pundit Rock Star

What's up with Neil Young? Isn't it a little late to jump on the anti-Bush bandwagon? Bush has less than two years left in office. I understand political frustration and such, but doesn't it become embarrassing to grasp at career-straws by writing anti-war, anti-president albums? It's like when REM wrote Orange Crush, which is a good song, but lyrically Viet Nam was over for more than 20 years when it was written. Ministry? One of their new songs is called The Great Satan with samples of George Bush. Good song, but annoying because of the trendy lyrics. The Flaming Lips...the Polyphonic Spree...I want to cry. What is their goal? Is it to join an exclusive club of enlightened elites like Fonda, Streisand, etc? And here is the kicker: What are their answers, their solutions? I've honestly heard none, nothing, except for complaining. We know Bush's answer. What is theirs? Honestly, all they do is smear, character killing...but no alternative. Sure, one could say they are trying to utilize their influence to sway the next elections, but still they have no answers. Neil Young had some good music, but man, step down from your pedestal. I hope he can remember, this southern man don't need him 'round anyhow.

Houston Doll

Friendship is a strange thing. What is a friend? Is a friend a casual nice acquaintance you hang out and do stuff with, or is a friend much deeper and more involved? Is a friend the person you most like to work with when you go to work, or does being in the Ward automatically make you a friend, or make other Ward members your friends? Does 'friend' have multiple meanings?
I have a few friends. Not many, and it's not because I'm mean or the other people are mean, or for lack of trying. There are few people I feel totally comfortable with talking to and telling everything. By the way, the friends I do have are members. I wonder if me being a member makes me unable to have true non-member friendships? I mean, being a member totally overshadows every aspect of my life. I don't go around precluding anyone from my circle based on membership status, but the non-member people I know still party and do stuff I have no time or desire for anymore. Maybe that's what I mean: differences in the roads we travel. Different directions, different paths...

So anyway, I saw the few people I consider friends except for one over the weekend, one at stake conference (I actually went to Church Sunday) and one called me up Sunday night after I got back home teaching. I told the previous ones I was thinking of holding Church on my own w/out the ward, and they kind of set my head on straight with some personal stuff which I didn't think about, and my other friend is going or has gone through the same stark depression/sickness I go through and can totally empathize...He recommended seeing New York Doll and I would relate to it and it would strengthen my testimony and set me at some ease seeing someone else with the same problems and perspective of the subject of NY Doll. So that's my next project, to see the New York Doll. Has any of you seen it? I think Susan has, but I'm not sure...This friend of mine is going to help me set up my recording stuff and when I make my cd's I'll post my music online, but then you might have to talk to the bishop afterwards!...:)

Another thought: What do you think the world would be like if there was no T.V.? This is a serious thought. Would we have this worldwide strife like we have? Would we have any clue as to what was going on all the time in the next city even? Do you think life would be simpler or more complex? I was thinking of this, and if I didn't watch the news or any T.V. would the world still turn? Would I miss it? What would the effects be on my family? I don't know because we don't watch much T.V. anyway.

Sextupulous Houses of Strange

Thanks for the idea, Susan. 666 weird things about me; ahem...I mean, 6 weird things I think of myself, but not necessarily weird to others.

1. I shave my head with a razor for a 'new beginning'; sort of the idea of baptism and sacrament, renewing myself and shedding away the other self I did not like.

2. I can see through people, their motives, what drives their personality, hence their actions.

3. I always fantasize about what I'd be like if wife and kids died in a fiery car accident and I was suddenly single again.

4. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ yet dabble in agnostic philosophies.

5. 4/5's of my siblings are heroin and meth heads. Does that count?

6. I remember thinking as a child I was alone in the world. There is no one else like me, so I don't 'relate', I just experience.

7. Just in case #5 doesn't count, I can see sound.

Tangible Dirigible Floating In My Star Destroyer

Carrot Custard made me think of this. What is the mechanism for hearing? I know a little physiology of the ear; tiny hairs 'feel' the vibrations as waves of sound pass through your ear, and as these hairs shorten through damage, age, whatever, you lose the perception of hearing. Am I right? I'm going by memory, so I might be off. Anyways...

That old spectre of Church-angst is rearing its head. I want to go to antagonize a few people. What is becoming of me? I wonder if I'm tense with individuals or with what I perceive these individuals represent...? It has to be individuals because I feel love and warmth when contemplating the Gospel. Just not the ward...

I'm having fun on my bike. I don't even miss listening to music on the way to and from work; I live North 59 about 45 minutes from Memorial Hermann downtown, and I find myself talking to my self making up silly scenarios of imagined conversations with real people as I cruise 80 mph on my sexy black bike (no metal scrotum). When I become conscious of talking to myself I laugh and make fun of myself as I would see another person looking at me talking to myself would. Make sense?

Hello me, it's me again...

Problematic Thematic Semantics

Alien Sex Fiend--Mad Daddy Drives A U.F.O.
Styx--Come Sail Away
Flaming Lips--U.F.O. Story
Radiohead--Subterranean Homesick Alien

What do these songs have in common?

Have you ever listened to Grandaddy? I was introduced to them about 3 years ago and they grew on me, and I love them. At first they sounded whiny, like Morrissey, Death Cab For Cutie, or the Postal Service, but the voice goes so well with the music and the thematic elements of the songs. Listen to 'So You'll Aim Towards The Sky'. It almost stopped my heart. Wow. Goosebump music.

What Color Is The Apocalypse?

I remember when I was going to Culinary Arts school in '93 and was just married, had my first son on the way, and the Houston summer was scorching, and my '82 Chevy Citation didn't have AC and Loop 610 was backed up forever. The two right lanes were blocked off, and I'm like, WTF, why is traffic stopped? Some lady with a cell phone wrecked or something I guess. So, slowly I made my way up the trickling traffic when I saw this long line of cars with their lights on in the right lane driving extremely slow with biker cops zipping back and forth from the front to the end of this procession. Weird, I thought. Oh yeah, I was extremely stoned, so the whole thing was bizarre. What the heck is going on?!?...Finally, I saw in the shimmering heat the front of the line of cars with another biker cop leading the way. There, behind the cop, was this cream-white Lincoln station wagon-looking automobile making its turtle pace blocking Houston traffic for miles and miles, and then it occurred to me...Death rides a pale hearse...

Anti-Ward Picnic / Stainless Steel Provider

The Picnic was great. I grilled smoked-garlic sausage (chappel hill from nearby Brenham), fajitas, drumsticks, hot dogs for the little spawns, and ribs. We had baked beans (we saved some for EWL, but I don't think she needs them), Greek Salad, grilled veggie kabobs, homemade tortillas, guacamole, salsa, and sodas, and ice cream. I conveniently forgot the casserole. We let the kids into the spa first, and then we put in a movie to entertain them and the adults kicked it in the spa for a while. No bad feelings, no tension, no guilt, I didn't get in anybody's face, it was Great!!! And we said prayer.
I'm at a turning point in my life. There is so much anger inside of me; I feel like Darth Vader! Ha (remember, I'm a big nerd)! I am reading the BOM everyday now, although its a few pages or a chapter and not the recommended 30 minutes. I'm saying my prayers, I'm trying to keep myself straight so I can ordain my oldest into the Aaronic Priesthood next month, but I can't bring myself to Church. It's not my testimony, because that is stronger than ever. I do my hometeaching; so, what's up? I'm doing everything I need to do except the physical attending of Church. I feel apprehensive about seeing my family and Church at the same time, and I think in light of what is going on with my brother and my rxn with that, I'm a little embittered. The Church and family issue is tied together; I have no answers, so I'm just going to let it go with the flow. Hmmmm....
I bought a motorcycle Friday. I've wanted one for years and years (at least 20). My mom said, "Not while you live under my roof" and since I've been on my own I couldn't afford one. But times have changed. It is such a rush to get onto the road; I bought a Honda VTX 750 Shadow Aero which is a cruiser. I didn't want to get a racer although I like the way they look; I wanted something I could cruise long distances on and go downtown to work with and look really cool. Because I do look really cool. The women flock and I scream, "Hey, I'm married" but in today's time that doesn't mean much. I beat them off with a stick (unless they're hot!...j/k)...Seriously, the bike is sweet, the riding is sweet, and I'm the happiest dork in the world with it.
Helio Sequence May 5 at the Abyss in Houston! Wife and I'll be there! Ministry is playing the same night but I'm in my 'I hate Ministry' phase, believe it or not. Al Jourgensen is the biggest idiot in the world, aside from Al Gore. Maybe it is the name Al that predisposes one to idiocy...

Charly Is Dead

My wife and I just watched Charly, a Mormon movie about love and death, and the dark swirling questions of faith and hope and, well, pancreatic cancer. My favorite scene is when the husband is painting the 'studio' (I guess to assuage his guilt about making his dying wife paint in the kitchen--selfish bastard) and he throws a fit about her giving up and they both crumple to the floor crying in a total emotional loss of control...my wife and I were treating it like MST3K-making comments like, "I wish you could act", etc. I predicted half-way through the movie she dies on the ferris wheel...my psychic head at work...

Previously my 4 y/o somehow deleted my I-tunes; I had over 5 days worth of music and I was in a panic for a while, and today I accidently recovered the library! YAY!!! I downloaded some Swans, which I've never heard before, Laibach, Cabaret Voltaire, bunch of stuff. Get this: I finally found Poesie Noire "Pity For The Self" on th internet and got it! Man, that is the rarest of the rare to find. And Vicious Pink. Ahh, good times. Four days to the Anti-Ward Picnic...