Great White She Devil, or the Metamorphosis of the Dragon Butterfly Gouging My Eyes With Perceived Vengeance

The village was nestled quietly in the foothills of the snowy mountain range, and the people happily harvested their crops in hopes of storing food for the oncoming winter, which was already showing signs of being an extremely cold season. Children were laughing, men returning from hunts with plenty of deer, and the women happily washing clothes, dishes, and gossiping idly on their cell phones about...nothing. For many years this happy people lived in quiet and harmonious peace with a dragon in the heights just within sight of the village. However, every month this dragon would howl horribly and although the dragon never attacked the village, the men would get a little nervous and the women would, for a split second, put down their cell phones. Oh, how the air rang with the screeching fury of a beast enraged. The noise and evil clamor would last for a week or so, but nothing ever came of it. Until now...

As the kids were playing this brisk fall day, the sun was shining, the wind blowing, and a slight chill was in the air. Mary-Joe was wondering why the dragon wasn't howling because it's week was due. Mary-Joe told her friend, Beulah, "I was pretty sure it would start today, but maybe it's a little late." Beulah said, "I don't know, Mary-Joe, I've never knowed it to be late except for a couple of times and then I was in a panic, my husband got real moody, and...wait Mary-Joe, I'm losing reception, I'll call you back." Then hell on earth was unleashed...

The mountain lair erupted in a giant fireball and evil incarnate unfurled her wings and with an ear-splitting screeching roar; it seemed the very denizen of hell was unleashed upon the innocent, unsuspecting village. The dragon swooped down and landed smack down in the village square. Bob asked, "Uh, dragon, baby, how are you doing?" while trying to calm his shaking hands. "What do you mean how am I doing? What an extremely stupid ignorant selfish question!!!" replied the split-personality dragon as she scooped poor Bob in her gaping maw, ripped off his head, drank his blood from his neck-hole as if from a beer stein, and then gnawed on his head. The village was a mess. Life was going on as normal, everyone was happy, or so it seemed, and then this. The dragon was a little scary for the past thirteen years but this, no, this was completely unforseeable. As the villagers gathered their children, women and men cowered in fright, completely evacuating their bowels into their pants, the children either passing out or crying in agony as they realized their beloved compatriot Bob was no more. All of a sudden, the dragon started bawling. "I don't know what's going on with me. One minute I'm happy, then the next I want to kill the kids...Boo hoo hoo..." sobbed the dragon, shedding great dragon tears. Although the villagers felt scared and even a little indignant about the loss of Bob, they even felt pity on the poor beast. "Can I do something for you" asked the villagers? "What!?! Haven't you done enough?" What is it with you people?!?!?" The dragon completely flipped. Taking a deep breath with its massive red scaly neck, it unleashed such a torrential wave of flame that all of the village, people, livestock, and structures, were completely vaporized. Even the ground on which the village stood was heated to such a degree it was said in legend the ground was as 'a sea of glass'.

A week later, the dragon had a funny grin on its face and thought to herself, "Wow, I don't know what that was about. I feel completely back to normal."

I Swoon For I-Tunes

Somehow, I don't know how, I found this song on I-tunes that sounds really familiar but really cool. It is a simple song, electronic, but the bass and sounds are entrancing. It's called Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx. Ever heard of it? Was it on a commercial or movie or something? Heather and I think it is very familiar, but we can't place it.

I figure it will be another month or two before I get my studio together, then on to world domination. Psychic Head Industries...Have you ever seen those disclaimers inside some bands' cds where they say snobbily "No computers whatsoever were used to make this music"? I want to tear down that machismo, that gayness...My cds will have the disclaimer "Computers were completely involved in the production of this music."

Where's Your (Psychic) Head At?

Redundantly Repetitious

Check out the cover of the National Examiner at a fine grocery store near you. The headlines read: Country Music: Who's Gay and Who's Not. ? I absolutely hate country music, and it takes a lot for me to say that. There is none other genre more uninspired than today's country music (I like old Willie Nelson and Marty Robbins). Another thing, why is it a big deal if a country music poser is gay? Aren't they all? C'mon, admit it, you know it's true. Faith Hill is a man! You can't plead ignorance with that one. Remember the skit of (Friends in low places-singer-what's his name?) on Saturday Night Live when he falls for Mango? Didn't it seem a little natural for him in that role? Coincidence, or not? Look at the Ditsy Hicks: Men in drag. You know it! Stop lying to yourself. Check out the old costumes of George Jones and Buck Owens from the 60s and 70s. And you think Marilyn Manson was a freak? I got the new issue somehow of Time in the mail. The ditsy hicks are on the cover. I wonder if they are capable of being embarrassed to see themselves whoring and begging in a news magazine for people to buy their new album. Silly little men...

It's Such A Pit(t)y...

I figured it out; why we are getting bombed and crucified around the world and here in the states. Brad and Angelina and similar nutjobs being raised as deity in U.S. and European culture. I work in a really cool hospital in downtown Houston and in the breakroom people leave their old magazines for others to read. Someone has a subscription to People magazine and they brought in a recent issue of "The World's 100 Most Beautiful People" and guess who was on the cover? A. Jolie. I was looking through it and there was A. Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, I think I remember Jane Fonda...? Most of the people in here are notorious for their failed relationships and personal crises yet they are still paraded as 'Most Beautiful'. What the heck? Here is a portion of an article I ripped out of another People magazine at work; I think the issue is December 19, 2005: "Angelina wanted to do it right. This is a woman who values her relationships with her children more than anything. Now she is creating a family in the context of an adult relationship." Wait; wasn't B.P. married when Ange. Jol. hooked up with him...? Where is 'doing it right' in that context? Continuing: "Pitt told GQ that he...embraced 'the responsibility of putting your life second, and your job is to show this little one around the world.'" Who is putting their lives second here? Photo after photo of this couple with their cause and their adopted children assault you everywhere, in the grocery store, on TV, billboards, there is no escape...It seems as if they have their own personal pr photographer with them at all times. Am I the only one seeing this as false, or if not false, screwed up? I think People's and like-magazines' sales are outstanding, so thousands and thousands of people read this, and not only here but in other countries...

Which leads me to this point: I don't think our foreign policy is to blame for our being bombed and hated. I think a majority of the issue is the U.S. is the most successful country in the context of personal freedoms and the opportunity for anyone to thrive in life in the world, and of course all of the little countries are jealous. Class-warfare but on a global level. Hating the rich because you're not rich. Class-envy would probably be a better term. But imagine living in a country and all you see of America is the media: People's 100 Most Beautiful People, the constant mind-rape of Brad and Angelina, Jennifer Lopez, don't get me started on Jane Fonda, the Kennedys, COPS (tv show), CSIs, Comedy Central, and so on, and you recognize all of this as filth and see the U.S. as nothing but a sex-drenched, debauched, murderous country where the whole citizenry has lost their moral compass and you don't want your kids to be like that. That's why I hate learning about the personal lives of musicians: when you hear their music, you automatically think of their lives. That's how it is for me, anyway.

A story of a boy and his...cat

Hello, this is Goobers. And my cat Snowball, he loves to hog up the chairs and couch. He is my best friend.

Testing...

This is Mrs. Henry. My dream has come true...we are proud owners of a digital camera! This was a test to make sure we could save and load photos. The handsome young lad is Matthew, our 4 year-old. The wounds on the left side of his face were accidently self-inflicted during a biking mishap. The scratches on the right side were courtesy of his brother Jacob (happened on Mother's Day during an impromptu wrestling match...boys are SO much fun). We hope to share more photos as the days go by...

Mad Crackas

Everyone is a victim. Victim culture. I like to be a victim. There's profit in being a victim. It's not my fault, I'm a victim.

It's The Little Things Making Life Bearable

Dutch love.

A View To A Shrill

This is not a serious post. Allow me a brief moment of levity...Levity's brevity...I went to the gym today because I can, and walked into the place and it was weird. I go to QLS in Kingwood, and lately it has become a status symbol to have a membership there. I walked in and I heard the aerobics instructor yelling over the loudspeaker to this really gay club music, and the lights were this neon pink and purple with the overhead lights dimmed, with mirrors on the walls reflecting endlessly...There is this clique (sp?) there I call the Naked Leatherettes. It's about a 5-person group of ladies walking around in workout clothes barely covering the essentials and they tan (QLS has there own tanning salon) constantly. They look to be about 40-50, and they are the size of skeletons with abs like Schwartznegger in his prime. They intimidate me...I walk past them and I look down to the floor because I don't want them to think I'm checking them out. But, they roam the gym in a little pack. Anyways, the scene was assailing my psyche...I wear Heather's IPOD when I work out to drown out the background noise and delve into the music. I started out on the stationary bike. Each bike has a little plasma monitor to watch tv and the bike I chose was showing The View. Have any of you seen this show? It is 4 ladies who look like I should know who they are, but I can't place their names. They blab forever about nothing...kind of like what I'd imagine Enrichment meeting to be like...don't get mad at me, I'm just calling it out! Anyways, they had Jewel on.

Jewel? Now, remember I had on my IPOD so I was watching Jewel perform without any sound. They showed her backup band playing, and it was a bunch of guys who looked so hip with their carefully messed-up hair, raggedy jeans, and goatees playing their instruments so passionately, swaying as they rocked their bass, geetars, and drums. So, I plugged in the earphones to see what was the emotion about and the song was horrible. Have you heard Jewel? She sounded like Alvin from the Chipmunks. Dead serious. Who are these hip guys playing for her? Do they feel her lyrics? The music was non-descript, the lyrics were standard 'I love you/hate you' bull-shitniz, and Jewel was Alvin...What was going on? I started laughing so hard and plugged in My Bloody Valentine. Google them. They make me want to go on. My Bloody Valentine-my anti Jewel.

What You're Talking About Sounds Like A...Nightmare

Pressure Tension Anxiety...I went to Church this morning. Happy Mother's day to all who it applies, and I guess that's everyone. Anyways, Gabe, my new 12 year old starts to panic about passing the sacrament. He refused to get up there because he was worried about his hair and his shirt being too wrinkled. I got very mad because he dilly-dallied (real phrase?) all morning and constantly picks on his younger brothers and then acts real cowardly in front of other people. Ugh. So, I told him I was disappointed in him and then it hit: I was in the hallway looking down to the other end of the church building and the rows of neon lights on the ceiling started pushing down and I looked at the pictures of the Lord in various biblical-themed poses and felt...I'm living a lie. Why am I here? I was very angry at my son, but also I felt very alone. I mean, my family was there, but I felt no presence of Spirit or anything like that. I heard the background noise, such as the chapel talks and prayers coming over the loud speakers in the foyer and the constant buzz of babies, but it didn't register. I looked but did not see, so to speak. Now this was all a mixture of physical and mental sensations. What happened? I told Heather (my wife) I'm leaving. So we all decided to come home and take a nap for four hours, which was very good. I told Heather on the days I'm not working I'm staying in bed. Sleep, beautiful sleep...Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning my testimony, but I think I'm questioning my role in the whole mess.

Now that leads to this: I think my whole anger/confusion about Church, Utah saints, Church culture, etc. stems from my lack of trust in my own motives for going. If I'm having so much trouble, then others must be feeling the same things, but why am I the only one talking about it? Is it because they're scared? Are they cowards? Or maybe I have to admit to myself I am feeling this way because of something biologically skewed in my synapses, my past (?), or my lack of drive for anything Churchy? Maybe I am the only one feeling left out.

Now, ewl, that is the shitniz, as you are wont to say...

Why?

Why are drugs wrong? I want everyone who sees this to answer.

The Truth Unfolds.....(gasp)

Hello, This is the one and only goobers, Patrick's son. First the bad things. He loves Starwars. Seriously. He's a freak-maniac-starwars-thing. He thinks it is so cool. When he is teaching us a lesson, he always uses yoda quotes, or "I am Your Father".... He cried At the end of each movie. And this is very bad for my reputation, My friends will not ever want to come to my house again.
Then he is always telling us weird stories like; his friend being sucked up into a hot tub, or "Aunt Anna ate my cousin head first." He may be a totak innocent person on the net but in real life, way way weirder. Music? He likes this freaky stuff called "The Cure", where did that come from? and "Alien Sex Fiend" so freaking annoying. Type it up on itunes....if you dare,
Always making fun of me and embarrising me in public. Like in Church he makes funny faces at me when i go up on the stage thing. Now you know more about Patrick, Maybe you'll block him, or maybe he'll preach his nonsence like "use the force"... Later,

California is Druggie Druggie Druggie Druggie

That is Fatboy Slim.

I'm on the opposite of the last post. The sun is shining, I didn't overcook the pasta, I bought some exquisite chocolate to mousse up, I have a hot wife...I still don't feel LSD...er, LDS, but I don't care. Hey, I just thought of something: If I'm bonkers, I have an excuse when I meet Dad in yonder sky...Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

On the front page of the Drudge Report, a picture shows the Da Vinci Code being burned. Wasn't there another (in)famous book burning about 60 years ago...?

Reflections of a Suicide, Part 1

I am putting words to the flow in my head. I took my son to Cub Scouts tonight at Church. As I was driving to Scouts, I noticed these people in their yards picking something out of the bushes. Their yards were perfect! Their cars were clean and shiny, and the man and woman wore shorts with their shirts tucked in them. All of the houses here are like that. All of the people are like that. So, I'm at Church shooting baskets while my son attended his meeting. People I knew were all around me doing their Church stuff, getting into their callings and such. I started to walk around the halls and was looking at the pictures of the Lord, community notices, etc. and reflecting on my growing up here. That 'me' is gone, and the realization hit me so hard. I've been feeling this panic, this crazy 'living' another life, watching the world through my eyes as I would watch a television show. I do not feel connected at all to my family (extended, not sons and wife), connected to Mormonism, connected to the country, connected to humanity. I am none of these things, and the things I recognize as good I try to connect to, such as my religion, but I am drowning because I know, somehow, it is unobtainable for me. It would be so easy not to have familial responsibilities because my disappearance would be...easy. I don't feel sad or crazy about it. It seems that is the only sane solution in this crazy world. Why Islam? Why oil? Why lust for power, money, our fucking lawns...? Disconnect...So I was laying in bed with my wife and all of this coalesced inside and I wanted to write it down so I won't forget. I questioned is this all what we live for? And I meant for myself, but was referring to the man and his perfect house. Are we here just to be born, work to buy stuff, then die? I know the answer to that intellectually, but spiritually I'm just not seeing it. Why put our efforts into that which is corrodable? Why life? Why mortality? When will the wave of hopelessness wash away the grains of sand that is the fleeting seconds of joy in life? Is there no end?

Who is Ministry?

My lovely wife and I saw Helio Sequence at Walter's on Washington last night. We've been waiting for this show for months and finally...it happened. Beautiful, wondrous, heart stopping, mind-blowing, just shazam! The club was a little hole-in-the-wall tavern about 200 square feet in the Heights, and we met the band (2 members) afterwards. $10 to get in. We ate at a little trendy Italian food restaurant which was OK, but we did eat at Buca's earlier in the week. The drummer of Helio Sequence played on the last Modest Mouse album/tour, but Helio Sequence just blows away Modest Mouse. The music is totally different. Kind of like layered textural music. Three-dimensional, and the drummer rocks.

We drove by Verizon Wireless Theater last night on the way to Helio Sequence because Ministry was playing last night also. There was the usual dyed-black hair combat-boot wearing chains and zippers crowd. One shirt said Nihilism F*** Bush. As we drove around the venue I wondered if the people who like Ministry and dress the part realize they are flesh-and-blood cliches. Hmmm? I have a theory that these kids are angry with their parents and choose Ministry to rebel, all subconciously of course. Ministry's song Rio Grande Blood sounded just like the last album, they sampled and cut Bush's speeches to make him say stuff like "I am the great white Satan", "I want your money", etc. Then Jello Biafra guest vocals on the song Ass Clown claiming Congress is the real terrorists, and so on. So there is no logical reason to take Ministry seriously. Musically, they've done all they ever will. These poor kids who are so angry connect on an emotional level and the whole black chains and death thing seems contrived and...false. There is no truth in Minstry. These kids are lying to themselves and Ministry just makes money off of them. Ha! The great contradiction, being able to spout Socialism and cursing those supporting their capitalist ways. I'm glad we saw Helio Sequence.
I have to get off of my butt and start writing my songs.

Feminine Wiles (Got Me Down)

I just finished reading The DaVinci Code. What is the big deal behind the controversy surrounding the book? I read the newspaper saying Christians everywhere are going to ban the book, march, riot, start cutting off peoples' heads, bring on the mother of all wars (oh wait...that's Islam). But some Chrisitians are kind of mad. I'm not going to talk about the story line, but some of it seems far-fetched, but some sounds kind of familiar. I read it as a work of fiction. It is fiction, people. Are you threatened by it? It is very well written and the theme is very interesting. It doesn't make me question my faith or send me off on flights of fancy or anything. Hmmm...have you read the book? What's your take?

Speaking of that faith issue...I got released from my primary calling. Someone in Utah decided that men alone can't teach the kids. But wait; hasn't there been for the past couple of years in the news female teachers molesting the children...? Not that I mind being released. I was going to tell my Bishop I wanted to be released because I'm spiritually needy and need to eat, not serve, right now. My ward is serving it up in heaps...ha! I've been reading the BOM a little more. I think sometimes my perspective of the Gospel gets murky from my ward, but really all I need is the BOM. Clouded lenses and all...

Does anyone out there like Mercury Rev? Man, I'm listening to All Is Dream, and that is one of the best albums of all time. I don't listen to it that much but when I do, it's like 'bits of puzzle fitting each other'-JA. Dream-rock. Space my bass, the stars I face, escape I make my race...Aural hyperbole...

Buca De Pepo's Is Great!

My family and I ate at Buca De Pepo's tonight for dinner. It is also my 12 year old's (Goobers) birthday. He is the one from the Goth conversation. Goobers is funny. He's spreading out his rebellion-wings by smarting off and trying to sound cynical and dry and at the same time we passed Petsmart in the Woodlands where they have these statues of a cat and a dog and he's like, "Oooo, look at the kitten. Drive by there please, daddy." Then he talks like everything adults or his younger siblings do or say is completely and utterly stupid. Goobers, in that crack between dependency and freedom. The restaurant is an Italian restaurant which is really really good. We had a gift card from Christmas from my sister which we used, and left a $20.00 tip. The portions were huge, and the service was great. Yummy. I love eating at good restaurants. Like CiCi's, etc...
I'm writing about this because I think I might not take my kids to a restaurant like that until they are older. They act like animals. Goobers is talking loudly on purpose and saying, "I farted." Jakers is flaunting his ADHD by jumping in his seat while he is eating. Cutie-butt, our 4 y/o is being cute, but yelling at Goobers for making a face at him. Ugh. No restaurants until they are older.